Things just aren’t adding up here, much like your calc midterm

Has PrezOb taken a page out of Shonda Rhimes’s playbook and murdered a United States justice, a la Scandal’s Fitz? Well, at least one person thinks so. (Black Bag)

A presumably wide-eyed Arkansas tourist had his skull fractured by a mysterious ex-con; the tourist had refused to buy tickets to the Statue of Liberty from his assailant. Here’s another thing to add to your list of New York worries, right after “subway slashers.” (New York Daily News)

China has deployed a surface-to-air missile system to a contested island in the South China Sea. Its official justification is that the missiles are needed for civilian satellite imagery. Sneaky, sneaky… (Huffington Post)

Calvin Harris has a “beautiful girlfriend.” Who could it be, and how many passive aggressive Grammy acceptance speeches has she delivered?? (E! Online)

Hookers 4 Hillary is a real, and beautiful thing. One prostitute campaigning for Hillary thinks voters will swayed by the movement and “give the former first lady a look.” Don’t squander your endorsement from the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, Hils! (Inquistr)

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