The sunlight is blinding … just like the greatness of our weekends

This weekend, the temperature has gone from so cold you could paint pictures in the air with your breath to so warm you could practically walk around in just a T-shirt. And our emotions have followed those fluctuations, going from the barely hanging on to the triumphant. Bwog is, as Bwog always has been, here to chronicle the experiences of both those of us still stuck in the cold and those of us who found warmth.

Still in the depths of winter:

• Almost got hit by a plow
• Had to run my laundry through the dryer an extra time because, after the first time, everything was still wet; then fell asleep before the second load finished
• All my friends were sucked into the sorority recruitment vortex this weekend so I spent a lot of time sleeping/being a hoe
• Brought up the Emma Sulkowicz case on a first date, as you do
• Drunk called my dads mistress’s daughter and realized no amount of alcohol will ever make me like that broad
• Was so wasted that I smoked a cigarette for the first time in a year…and then smoked two more
• Related: Also smoked weed for the first time in a year and a half in order to avoid a hangover on Sunday…it worked
• Found a box of beads I bought to make rave kandi; dropped the box and spilled them EVERYWHERE
• Saw Columbia’s campus at 7am for the first time on Friday morning
• Woke up with four half-eaten Koronet pizzas in my room with no recollection of getting them
• Took my book everywhere but did not do any reading
• Tried to write a post but was still drunk
• Watched a ton of adventure time with tons of foreign substances in my body at 4 in the morning
• Found a live cat in a record store downtown that looked like my cat who died this summer of a brain tumor. Sent a pic to my mom and then told her I didn’t have time to Skype her and my dad on Sunday.
• Gave my friend a birthday flogging
• Ate shit in front of Butler in front of an unsuspecting group of adults and their respective children. Tried to stand up and brush it off but tripped again in the process, thus eating shit once more. The kids were brutal, my day was dampened considerably.
• Got Soju-drunk in my room alone and contemplated doing laundry (went so far as to put my Soju in a paper bag so I could drink in the lounge) but somehow ended up at ADP.
• Went to an ADP party for a second cause I thought it would be funny but the party was just sad
• Got drunk at 7pm in Chinatown, proceeded to bruise my body and my dignity by falling down the Beta stairs
• Got sad drunk and bought 2 Lindt truffles at MoWill for $1 but they taxed it so it cost $1.09……..
• The saga continues: The Lindt truffles weren’t even the right flavor (color coded wrappers are so confusing), and then I didn’t have enough money when I returned to MoWill later in the night high out of my mind to buy cookie dough.
• And finally: My friend bought me the cookie dough and we ate it and also some shitty store bought cookies my mom sent in a care package over a month ago.
• Woken up at 7:30 by my roommate ironing a blouse in preparation for rush schedule reveal
• Got my friend to watch anime with me by bribing her with Starbucks
• Traveled to Brooklyn to go to the bowling bar that that guy who got Ebola went to right before he was diagnosed, but forgot my ID, also completely ruined any street cred I had from owning my own bowling shoes by only throwing gutter balls
• Lay on Broadway next to two abandoned pieces of pizza; took a picture on the ground next to them; got up and brought them back to McBain with me
• Did one subject of homework
• Joined CUMB

Spring seems weirdly (ominously) close:

• Started my CC paper on Friday…three minutes before it was due
• Went to a party but left early by myself because it was too sweaty
• And, from a different person: Went to ADP; got subsequently sweaty as the night went on.
• Went to ADP and talked to pals in Arabic
• Took off my dress shirt at a beta party to shotgun a beer; proceeded to walk around MoHi with my shirt and jacket open feeling no cold
• Went to Tom’s for the first time, adulterated a leftover sausage
• Went to JJ’s for the first time. Got really mad about the fact that JJ’s has fortune cookies, and I have been denied access to fortune cookies for several months. Promptly stole 10 fortune cookies.
• Started watching Jane the Virgin
• Had to take Plan B :/ (but at least he paid)
• But there’s an upside: Got a babysitting job because I did ride share to get back from the UES post-Plan B guy and this woman’s daughter really liked me so the woman asked for my number
• Decided to run to the Metropolitan Museum to do my seminar reading there
• Related: While at the met, discovered an entire shelf of fine china with George Washington’s face on it, as well as numerous Washington statues, and some plates with other founding fathers’ faces on them.
• Walked blocks and blocks to CCNY to meet up with my best friend and then walked back to Columbia from 148 St. only because I didn’t want to waste train fare. Realized I was too cheap for my own good.
• Only did half a homework assignment this weekend, but on the bright side made $300 babysitting. When do I make the call to drop out & become a full time Upper East Side Nanny?
• Practiced man spreading on the subway
• Got high during the second half of the Republican debate and produced some of my finest work on Twitter
• Felt myself getting sick, considered staying home Friday night to rest, instead brought emergen-C packets w me to 1020 and poured them into my drinks throughout the night
• A continuation: Woke up Saturday morning feeling worse, considered staying in bed, instead got up and went to Greenwich for brunch
• Part three: Subsequently got lost in Greenwich because the streets aren’t numbered
• And the thrilling finale: Had to explain to my mother that I had not gone to CT for brunch, just the village
• Went into Butler for the first time ever and subsequently ended up fucking in the stacks
• An acquaintance of mine asked if i had read the “Bwog sorority article” and i was like “Yeah…I wrote it.”
• Joined CUMB

Almost painful sunlight via Wikimedia Commons