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Unconventional Ways To Stay Warm

The Hamilton knows what's up.

The Hamilton knows what’s up.

Two weeks ago, we finally acknowledged how fucking cold it was. Now we don’t know what’s happening with the weather. Is it snowing? Cloudy? Sunny? Windy? Raining? Since it’s only the beginning of February, anything could happen. But have no fear! The Bwog Staff has compiled a list of ways to stay warm for the rest of winter – ways you might not have considered before.

  • Put your coat on the vents at John Jay Dining Hall while eating
  • Or just spend your entire day in the back room of John Jay Dining Hall. It’s a sauna in there.
  • Spend a lot more time in the Hamilton elevator (excess body heat)
  • Walk over subway vents on Broadway
  • Stand on that vent behind Butler
  • Stand on that vent in front of Butler (like all the international smokers do)
  • Stand on that vent outside of the law school on 116
  • Stand on any vent?? Why are there so many vents on this campus?? We don’t question it. We love it.
  • Put ur gloves underneath your thighs while you’re sitting (then when you put them on your hands will be warm)
  • Win Ham4Ham
  • Stand outside Dig Inn for as long as you can before fainting from the overpowering scent of grilled chicken

  • Drink (not so unconventional, but still)
    • Drink something cold, so that the two cold things cancel each other out (this logic can be seen in the exhibit of the Butler beer camper, who we assume is probably some grad student living 10 blocks away who has to face the cold at 2AM)
    • Drink straight vodka, because that’s what the Russians do, and Russia is damn cold
  • Put on heater in any room in the Barnard quad for more than 4 seconds – guaranteed heat wave coming your way
  • Burn excess spec flyers for warmth
  • Have a romantic dalliance in the stacks to increase endorphins (They prevent cold. They also make you happy. And happy people just don’t kill their husbands.)
    • Bonus points if it’s in the Kent library stacks because the extra layer of dust you will accumulate on your body is as thick as a comforter
  • Stand next to a halal cart
  • Keep your ears covered by any means possible – wrap your silk scarf over your head, cradle your ears in your hands, wear earmuffs, beats, etc.
  • Go to UNIQLO and buy HeatTech turtlenecks
  • Never walk anywhere alone; always walk with a friend so you can hold onto each other for warmth

Whiskey’s best use via Gabrielle Kloppers

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