Going to Lincoln Center at 4am: the kind if thing we’d be able to do every night if it was spring break

One more week, Columbia. One week from today, we’ll all be enjoying warmer climates, or having Netflix marathons without needing to break for homework, or going on cool adventures without a textbook in sight. Who knows – we might even be asleep. But for now, unfortunately, we’re still stuck in the hellhole of Butler 209, trying to learn half a semester’s worth of material in a couple of days and wishing we were anywhere else. Our field notes from last weekend reflect that.

One More Week? We Could Go For Ten:

• Sat down in Diana on Saturday, ready to study for astronomy midterm. Did some good tweets and snaps, used the bathroom, learned how to convert radians to degrees, and then my friend texted me inviting me to volta/the armory show so I hopped down to Midtown.
• Choreographed a twerk routine to Work by Rihanna in the shower
• Helped my friends move into their new apartment. Built some Ikea furniture. Was rewarded with pizza, wine, and dog cuddles.
• Met up with my suitemates for next year and bonded over Ted Cruz being the zodiac killer
• Got free pizza twice in three days.
• Killedddd ittttt at an interview I had on Friday
• Got free brunch on Columbia’s dime at Red Rooster.
• Related: ate a lot of chicken and waffles.
• Drunk bought myself cold oatmeal at Westside for the next morning’s breakfast. I love myself.
• Roommate’s eye swelled up and doctor told her to wash it out with a shot glass. Lent her my 1-800-fuckspec shot glass.
• I slept for 25 hours in 2 days
• Hooked up with my first Beta boy
• Bonded with someone over how weird it was that our mutual friend had told us that we should be friends because we both write gay fanfiction.
• Met with CC professor because I didn’t go to class all week. He was like, “Hey, just making sure you’re alive!” Then we talked about Palestinian folk dance.
• Pet a chocolate brown husky with blue eyes; couldn’t help but hope for a son with the same features
• Used a Shamus Khan paper drop and felt my world become instantly brighter and better
• Went to Pupin Observatory to see the stars but the better view ended up being on Mudd roof.
• Got hired!!!!
• Went to bed at 10pm Saturday night for the first time like….all semester
• Fixed a long-standing email problem thanks to input from a Bwog commenter.
• Thought about Bernie.

This Campus Looks Bleaker Every Day:

• Primary health told me I had the flu and gave me an inhaler for my lungs. Thought I just had a bad cold this whole time. The inhaler is fun.
• Ate and drank some Dunkins.
• Harassed my best friend to sleep with me every night this weekend because I’m lonely and get cold at night
• Finished Columbia’s required minor training form approximately half an hour before interacting with minors.
• Walked through Times Square with migraine with my blue-haired friend. Man tried to sell us comedy tickets, then shouted, “You’re from Brooklyn, aren’t you.” She actually lives in Brooklyn.
• Went to Bushwick warehouse for birthday party of an NYU Tisch kid I didn’t know. Drank and smoked contrary to doctor’s orders. Made friends (?) with art kids. Saw boy from my high school, made awkward small talk. Tried to get my blue-haired friend to come to party because she also went to high school with us. Left drunk, took an hour and a half to get home.
• Went to SigChi. Felt sticky.
• Went to 1020. There was a bar fight right next to our table and they bumped into me and spilled my drink but then my friend broke it up. I was amused because this guy I hued with at the beginning of the year came over to make sure I was okay even though we had been pointedly avoiding each other since September.
• Spent Thursday throwing up into a trashcan, girl at the same place as me got cava’d so friends had to carry my sleeping body to make me look awake
• I smoked through my illness lol fml
• Had a glass of expensive french white wine friday night, my first drink in 8 months
• Related: Tolerance was so low I got slightly tipsy but did’t enjoy it
• Got Dig Inn for breakfast
• Went a bad play on Friday and accidentally sat front row
• Related: Later went to 1020 and was so bored I almost fell asleep
• Watched 3/4 of the new House of Cards season in like one sitting.
• Saturday pregame was also game, with a decidedly Bat Mitzvah themed playlist
• Quit a babysitting job because they were flaky and I’m broke. Received a passive aggressive response from the mother in return. #sorryboutit
• Started laughing tipsily about my own minor internet popularity in HamDel at 1am; was told by my friends to leave because I was being embarrassing.
• Listened to the new Kendrick and almost cried because we’re not worthy.
• Saw my friend wearing white sneakers across the street on Broadway. Yelled “Damn Daniel!” at him. He immediately took off his shoes in the middle of the sidewalk.

Please Just Take Us To Florida:

• Ran to Absolute Bagel, got a bagel, and ran back in under fifteen minutes; didn’t actually have time to eat the bagel for another two hours.
• My friend got really drunk at 1020 and started crying about Sufjan Stevens. I, basically sober, began crying as well.
• Woke up to someone blasting Future at 7am on Saturday. It wasn’t pleasant.
• High school friend came to spend the night, which was fun. Then found out she was staying four nights
• And if that wasn’t enough; Same friend spilled an entire bowl of ramen on my bed
• Carried 3 pounds of grapes into the science & engineering library
• Got thrown up on at 1020…then took a selfie with the guy who threw up on me outside
• Ate nothing but gluten-free waffles from when I woke up at 9:30 to 5:30 pm on Sunday
• Celebrated failing my second Mowsh bio midterm in a row with a bottle of Moët & Chandon
• Coughed throughout the night and woke up with no voice. Decided to adopt a sugar-free, sober diet (doctor’s recommendation) in hopes of getting rid of flu.
• Related: Went on Tinder date and the dude made me eat some of his pastry because it was really good and it was but…I broke my sugar-free diet…
• Slept in on Saturday until 2:30pm, walk of shamed to McDonalds for nuggets and a milkshake, went to my friends room in Nussbaum at 3:00pm and drank champagne until I passed out again
• Logged on Animal Crossing to check on my residents – they all hate me
• Went out to 1020 on Friday night before leaving to hook up with someone. Finished hooking up, returned to 1020 for 15 minutes, and then left again to drunkenly run to Lincoln Center at 4 AM.
• Wanted to have sex but roommates wouldn’t be sexiled. Ended up crying in my hall lounge to gf for a couple of hours instead
• Randomly got invited to fiddler on the roof and then sat next to Harrison Ford at dinner
• But: Thought that would be worth blowing off midterm papers due Monday but ended up lurking around butler emotionally volatile at 4 am
• I met the famous photographer Bill Cunningham at Spring Break Art Show after having idolized him for years (there’s a great documentary about him) only to find out he’s as assholey as all the other old white dudes
• Tried watching Downton Abbey but wifi was so shitty it took me an hour and a half to watch 30 minutes (endless glitches/buffering)….
• Gave away free coffee outside Butler until my nubbins almost fell off
• Ordered Insomnia cookies at 2 am and had them delivered to Butler. Shared a chocolate cookie with the security guard before passing out in 209.
• And then: Did a walk of shame from butler at 6 am on Saturday morning wild night I know
• Was studying innocently in Brooks and listening to my music on shuffle when the last song of Hamilton came on and I began openly sobbing

Had a weekend of excitement? A weekend of degeneracy? Tell us about it, via tips@bwog.com or our anonymous tip form.

An ideal nighttime destination via Bwog Staff