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Public Safety: Do You [Bullet]Proofread?

You've betrayed our trust, public safety friends

You’ve betrayed our trust, public safety friends

While there have been countless questionable Public Safety emails, we were particularly concerned with the misleading note we received last Tuesday regarding the “Active Shooter Awareness Seminar.” Bwog Staffer Nikki Shaner-Bradford  calls out this blatant oversight.

Dearest Public Safety,

What happened last Tuesday?

Your typically thrilling and community building emails took a turn for the sinister. By this, I refer to none other than the poorly phrased, albeit informative, emails on the “Active Shooter Awareness Seminar.”

Here’s the thing, Public Safety, I really appreciate who you are. Truly, I do. You keep us safe, and that’s important. But lately I feel like we’ve had some miscommunication and it’s making me a bit tense around you.

We’ve had a lot of correspondence, you and I. Every mugging, robbery, assault, construction, and unruly fire drill – we’ve been through it all. However, this very rapport has led me down an ironically dangerous path – I take your words at face value. When you send out an email blast on a recent purse-snatching incident, I don’t doubt you for a second.

Additionally, I’ve developed both a taste and an appreciation for your formatting. You’re quick and no-nonsense, telling me the facts I need to know to keep myself safe on campus. Most of the time only the subject line of your emails will do (you understand us College Kids so well, P-S, we’re always on our phones but never fully reading) and I’ll know by glancing at your email’s header to avoid the ice on College Walk.

So you can understand where I’m coming from right?

I was sitting quite happily in Econ last Tuesday, when I received a mail notification on my phone. This, my beloved Public Safety, was your downfall, your hamartia, your Achilles’ heel. You neglected to think of the thousands of phone inboxes that would only blare “Active Shooter…” Or, in my mind, “ACTIVE SHOOTER!!!!!!!”

And of course I took it at face value! This is America! Shootings are seemingly more common in this country than cheeseburgers and capitalism. Think of the damage you could have caused – Riots! Pandemonium!

If all of us weren’t so intent on doing our readings, we might have had an epidemic on campus. However, despite the potential for widespread panic, all was ultimately fine. You merely gave me a jolt; I opened the email seeking the damning information inside to discover my misunderstanding. You later sent the content again under an altered headline that read “Seminar on Active…” You realized your mistake.

But what are the consequences of this error? We have a bond, a rapport, an understanding at the very least – or had, I should say. The past 1.5 semesters of trust you slowly gleaned from me have rapidly dissipated in the wake of last week’s email. While I still maintain my respect for what you do, the nature of our relationship is inevitably changing. It might take me a some time to recover – to open your emails with an open heart.

No hard feelings though, I’ve resumed my breathing and collected my thoughts since. I wish you the best on your upcoming Seminar on Active Shooter Awareness, it’s truly a worthwhile initiative. I can’t say I’ll be in attendance though; I hope that doesn’t sound bitter.

And I hope you won’t be offended in the future, when I delete your emails or lose confidence in their validity. Because I feel I’ve made myself fairly clear: it’s not me, it’s you.

A terrifying (or terrible?) omen via Klaus with K, Own Work assumed (based on copyright claims), CC BY-SA 3.0

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1 Comment

  • Anon says:

    @Anon This is bullshit. Stop blaming Public Safety for sending out an important email that you’re too lazy to read past the first two words of and start showing some real gratitude towards them for everything they do to keep you safe on this campus.

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