Bad drawing of high prospie

Each year, current students enjoy checking out the prospective students at Days at Campus and remembering the days of their youth. Times have indeed changed, yet some things, and some people, will always stay the same. Here are some archetypal prospective students for the enjoyment of prospective and current students alike.

One ubiquitous stereotype is the prospie who has already found a dealer. Usually from someplace more lenient, like California or even Amsterdam, these students know what they need to function, and they need to know where to get it once they are at Columbia.

These students are easily identified by their grand pronouncements that ensure that its clear that they enjoy the usage of illicit substances, and will sometimes sport clothing items or memorabilia that makes their affiliation clear. Be it weed (it’s usually weed), cocaine or adderall, they know what they want and they need to know where to get it. They usually use the few days of Days on Campus to make connections, buddying up with fellow drug-abusers or native New-Yorkers who seem to know what they are doing, and make connections that will probably fall by the wayside once they find a dealer with cheaper options. Some will band together with the older students they find who are into similar substances (great mentorships have been forged in far worse ways).

Where are these students likely to end up? There are two subgroups to this archetype: those who are serious, and those who want to seem serious. The ones who are serious will likely become dealers and associate largely with other stoners for their four years, or will develop a further dependency when faced with the cornucopia of degeneracy that is New York, only to end up flunking out. Usually the habits will be pretty bad in the beginning of freshman year, taper off towards the middle of their time at Columbia, and return in full force when nobody gives a fuck anymore. The other subset of the archetype is less serious about their drug abuse, and simply want to be perceived as a user (why??). These will likely go way too hard in the beginning of freshman year, and then either give themselves up to the study gods or go on to become the sort of people who befriend prospies and give them tips on how to score.

Advice to Prospies: Are you this archetype? If so, beware. Judgement falls your way if you make claims you cannot back up. Also, if you are serious, Bwog recommends you get several suppliers so you have a better judgement of quality vs price, and always have someone available when it’s a Wednesday night, your LitHum essay is going badly, and you really just need something.

Illustration by Gabrielle Kloppers