Trump once again proved self control is so overrated!

No,  that wasn’t an episode of South Park you tuned into on CNN last night. Regardless of whether you participated in a drinking game for last night’s debate, you all woke up with some type of headache. Between Trump’s repetitive, juvenile jabs and Hillary’s uncomfortable, forced laughter, I can assure you the debate did not do any wonders to ease your nerves. Tip: go to Cafe 212 and indulge in some Jacques Torres sorbet. (CNN)

In surprisingly crazier news, two actors in England got stopped by the police due to being mistaken as zombies. Officers from the North West Police Group stopped two extras for an unidentified TV show or movie due to reports by concerned drivers. England’s problems seem so quaint; maybe, we shouldn’t have broken off. (The Huffington Post)

In other news, a Columbia student has been reported to have ordered an Uber from DSig to McBain Hall this past Saturday. In case you are not familiar with the distance, it is quite literally three yards away. Not so shockingly, we have dropped one place on the USNWR National University rankings. (Patch)

In a bizarre chain of events, Woody Allen’s Amazon television series featuring Miley Cyrus has materialized. Tune in on Friday, September 30, 2016, to see Miley Cyrus grind up on someone more than ten years her senior. Robin Thicke, it’s not your (premiere) party but you can cry if you want to. (Hollywood Reporter)