A former Full-time tropics dweller, junior staff writer Timmy Wu has only two sweaters: one of Harvard, another, Yale. He elaborates on the microaggression he started to experience since the beginning of sweater weather.

There is one thing that Sappho’s poetry and Columbia school spirit have in common: they both are either broken or lost. As school spirit week approaches, you might begin to question this quixotic thing called “Columbia spirit”. Is it free? Absolutely not. Is it a newly imported, novelty, unicorn-toenail infused vodka from International’s? Maybe.

Could one be wearing Pantone 292 from the inside out without knowing what the color truly entails? Might it be the unquenchable thirst for intellectual, scholarly pursuit that is unquestionably inherent in all Columbians, or the gag-reflex inducing, sad pool of bubblegum-flavored FroYo mixture (which no one ever dares to try anyways), dripping sensually out onto the tacky ground in JJ’s ?

Still, even while Columbia students seem to have a hard time trying to agree, or even, to agree to disagree with fellow lions, there is one unifying factor that we, as proud residents of the MoHi bubble, all share: a ready reservoir of (not so) complex emotions for Sweaters from other inferior Ivies. Having said that, here is a collection of comments that I received, wearing Yale and Harvard Sweaters on campus, within the time span of a week:

The outright haters:

  •  (Gasp) “Take it off. Right Now.”
  • Me: “I love your hair!”
    Them: “I hate your sweater.”
  • “What are you wearing?”
  • “This is NEW YORK, not New Haven.”

The passive aggressors:

  • “I love your sweater.”
  • “pshhhh…”
  • (360° Eye roll)
  • (Points at me) -> (Whisper into friend’s ear) -> (digusted looks on both of their faces)

The humored:

  • (chuckled contemptuously)

The embarrassed friend:

  • “You’re wearing that?”
  • “Don’t walk with me.”

The feigned concerned:

  • “What happened?”
  • “Are you lost?”

The intellect:

  • “University Ranking is only a social construct.”

The dream stolen:

  • (longing sigh)

The confused:

  • “But it’s in New Haven!”

The eloquent:

  • “Ew.”
  • “Not Cool.”

The unexistent:

  • “I love Yale. Did you get in?”

The liar:

  • “I didn’t apply there.”

Sorry, but…we know you did. But at least you don’t go there now, right? Roar, lions roar!

Derivative meme via meme generator