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Bwog’s Choose Your Own Drunk Adventure: Getting Into JJ’s

Yes, getting a burger at 1 am is worth it.

Yes, getting a burger at 1 am is worth it.

It’s Saturday night: the party you’re at is about to get shut down by public safety and your bank account is a realistic interpretation of “Dante’s Inferno.” You and your new-found friends are on a mission: to get to JJ’s together in one piece. Welcome to this adventure! Click on the links to determine your fate. 

While at the party, you try to convince yourself that you can take one more shot. You: 

A. Listen to your friend that sees you gripping to the wall and decide to pass on the drink. You don’t want to have to get your ass CAVA’d again.

B. It’s only 12! You have plenty of time to sober up before acknowledging reality tomorrow morning, and all that food that you’ll eat at JJ’s will soak up the booze.

You’ve just escaped public safety and you’re heading onto campus. You and your friends notice that Butler’s sprinklers are on. You: 

A. Live your life to the fullest! You and your friends harmonize in song as you run through the lawns.

B. You and your friends decide that you’ve had enough fun for the night. You decide to enjoy the buzz and skip the sprinklers for the night.

You have reached Columbia’s Mecca, JJ’s: a necessary stop during a week’s worth of stress. You enter John Jay and begin to make your way down the staircase that just keeps going. You’ve finally reached the pearly gates! Approaching the Keeper of Keys, you smile but she gives you an angry look. Handing her your ID, she comments, “Oh man, you are so gone.” You say: 

A. “Oh shitso am! Yo I drank way too much jungle juice and I AM SO FUCKING DRUNK!!!!”

B. “No m’am, I am just recollecting the past 36 hours of my life being stress-ridden and sleep deprived. The glazed-over stare is just an indication of my preparation for midterms, but I understand your confusion.”

You enter JJ’s and escape the cloud of smoke that meets you at the door, but wait: another obstacle stands in your way! You’re met with a hoard of zombies crowding around the counter, ready to pounce on the burger and fries that you and your friends so desperately need. You: 

A. Ditch your friends and battle through the crowd. You settle for the veggie panini that you find.

B. You stick to the plan, you’ve gotten this far with your friends by your side! United, you stumble your way through the crowd as soon as the burgers are placed before the zombie crowd.

 

Congrats! You’ve made to to JJ’s! 

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