It would be a dream if your Thanksgiving looked as peaceful as this one.

The countdown until Thanksgiving begins: in 5 days you have to get through a dinner with your nosy family. Don’t worry, Bwog’s got your back: here’s how to get out of some of the worst conversation topics. 

1. An obvious one: the election. You already know that your crazy uncle wants dinner and a show and will say anything just to stir the pot. Avoid it by showing your T’ai Chi skills that you’ve learned at your “liberal” university; it’s a real conversation stopper.
2. Your grades. Someone is bound to ask you how your classes are going and let’s be honest: you fucked up your midterms because you’ve spent hours on Netflix or have dragged your bank account into the negatives by spending way too much time in 1020. Just say that grades aren’t in yet and that you have a good feeling about this semester. Keep it as vague as possible.
3. Significant others. Don’t mention anyone at all or your mom will stalk the fuck out of them on Facebook and know their social security number by Black Friday. If you’re in a relationship, talk about it, but if you live in a gray area of “a thing” that older generations won’t understand, deflect. When in doubt, just deflect.
4. Your major. Especially for first-years and sophomores, don’t fall into this trick: it’s as old as time. If someone pops this question, just make up a major that they want to hear. If you’re feeling creative, make one up: I suggest Muggle Studies.
5. An explanation of your Snapchat story. Your smart-ass cousin or sibling will mention all of the drunk snaps they’ve been seeing because they know that you’ve forgotten to block them. Snitches get stitches: I don’t know how, but make them pay. You know what I mean. 

Your Thanksgiving generic white family via Headline Politics