Yum?

You know what time of year it is. No, not cuffing season. Or Christmas. It’s crunch time, which means (for some of the riskier folk)  d r u g s. It can be hard to know whether to buy at all. And you may not know what to buy, especially if your doctor forgot to prescribe it to you. Don’t worry. Bwog’s got you covered. In this week’s Back-of-the-Envelope, we’ll tell you the ins-and-outs of campus dealing, and whether that guy from Spanish class who’s offering you Adderall is actually worth it. Disclaimer: Bwog does not condone the use of illicit substances, do not try this at home, etc. etc. 

• Assume 75% of students on campus have ADHD, ADD, depression, anxiety, or another medical issue. These figures are based off actual data about the sharp increase in mental health diagnoses, as well as accepted fact that Columbia is a rich-ass school full of people who’ve been hip to the therapy trend since its beginning (and are also prone to root canals and wisdom teeth surgery that endow them with magical painkillers).
• Assume 60% of those students are prescribed drugs, and 55% of them actually get the prescriptions filled (what about the other 5%? you’re wondering why anyone would be crazy enough to NOT fill their xanax scrip? well, my friend, try waiting in the basement pharmacy line at Duane Reade).
• Assume 40% of these students have excess drugs that they are willing and ready to sell.

That 40% market saturation rate can be broken down into drug types. Let’s look at some common ones: Xanax and Klonopin are anti-anxiety pills, and can either make you feel high or sleepy. Adderall and Ritalin are stimulants, you want these for your all-nighters. Percocet, Vicodin, and Tylenol with codeine are painkillers.

• Assume 40% of the prescriptions are for Adderall, Ritalin, or similar. Assume 30% are for antidepressants like Prozac or Abilify that can’t give you the instant gratification you need during exams. Of the remaining 30%, assume 20% is Xanax and Klonopin, and 10% are painkillers.

The Weeknd has a great song about Percocet, and it’s also commonly prescribed for wisdom teeth surgery. But it also might make you fall asleep. Is this really what you want (or need)? We’ll also assume the hazy qualities of Xanax and Kpins aren’t what you’re looking for during study time. So, let’s zero in on Addy. The above fractions leave us with a relatively low rate of availability for second-hand stimulants.

• Assume average Adderall street price: $10/20 mg
• Assume average (generic) Adderall prescription price with insurance: $40/month

Okay, so you’re going to pay a lot more on the street. Maybe you can get the homie price. Either way, do you think you’ll abuse the drug? Do you want to? Let’s assume no to both. In that case, if your level of exam desperation if 10^1 or higher on a scale of 10^2, and if Spanish class boy is offering you one pill for $10 or less, go for it. Just don’t end up like this Adderall-addicted lady in the New York Times.

Cheers!