A Lerner bathroom’s idea of holiday decoration

As finals loom and our oncoming grade deflation becomes a force for sure doom, we often take to studying in strange locations: the eighth floor of Butler, abandoned classrooms in Havermeyer, and even the Lerner ramps. One Bwog staffer particularly fond of those black chairs outside Ferris began studying regularly in Lerner during the later hours of the evening a few weeks ago. She liked the low-stress atmosphere, the background noise, and the occasional encounters with dance groups, but one aspect of the building quickly grew to disgust her: the bathrooms.

From our experience, it seems as though the Lerner bathrooms are some of the most revolting on campus. We’ve seen more diarrhea, vomit, and entire rolls of toilet paper in toilets in the fourth-floor bathroom this past month than in Carman this past year. This can only beg the question: what’s so special about Lerner? Why are the bathrooms in this one building more disgusting than anywhere else?

In an attempt to puzzle through this conundrum, we’ve come up with a few theories:

1. This is a visceral response to Ferris food. Students just can’t stand that pizza being in their bodies for one more second.
2. People are taking out their anger resulting from their inability to find seats in Butler on the Lerner toilets.
3. It’s because Lerner is too difficult to navigate – by the time you’ve found a bathroom, you’ve already been looking around for so long that you just urgently need to go. And flushing… that’s entirely out of the question.
4. The many performance groups fighting for space in Lerner have brought their competition into the toilets – the group that makes the biggest mess gets Roone for two entire weekends next semester.
5. It’s hard to concentrate on your bowel movements for long enough to flush when there’s a rat on the loose.
6. Lerner has given up on being clean (seriously, have you seen those carpet stains?), and so have we.

Happy on the outside, disgusting on the inside via Bwog Staff