Once upon a time, the Glicker-Milstein Theatre was just a nice old theatre living the rest of its retired life in peace and service. However, that has all come to change — the Glicker-Milstein’s position in the landed gentry is now challenged. Barnard has announced that their new learning center will be named The Cheryl and Philip Milstein Teaching and Learning Center, in honor of alumni/a Trustee/a Trustee emeritus. It is becoming ever clearer that only one Milstein can live. Who will it be?
The Cheryl and Philip Milstein Teaching and Learning Center: Named after Board of Trustees vice chair and alumna Cheryl Glicker Milstein BC ’82 and trustee emeritus and alumna Philip Milstein ’71, this so-called Center has a lot to live up to. Not to mention it’s not just a Center, it’s the Center.
Glicker-Milstein Theatre: I was just about to say that I have no idea where the name Glicker-Milstein came from (and I can’t find it on Google), but now that I think of it, it came from Cheryl. Or both Philip and Cheryl. In other words, the theatre is probably named after the same people the Center is named after. Not sure where I was going with this.
Winner: Glicker-Milstein Theatre because it is more fun to type.
TCPMTLC: 128,000 square feet. Base of five floors and tower (tower!) of eleven floors. Anticipated to receive a LEED Silver rating. Science center, teaching labs. Study spaces for students. However: does not exist yet.
GMT: 50′ x 34′. I don’t have a calculator, but my back-of-the-envelope calculations say this is less than 128,000 square feet. Theatrical lighting system; acoustic wall panels; sound system. Projector and automated screen. Lobby, dressing rooms, Prop space, Shop/Storage space, Dasha Epstein Theatre Lab/Green Room. Exists.
Winner: GMT. Firstable, the TCPMTLC (is there a shorter name for this?) does not exist. Secondable, the GMT already has a Green Room, surpassing TCPMTLC’s so-called, purely theoretical LEED Silver rating by far.
The Centre: While the Center may not exist, it makes up for this nonexistence through its words. It thinks, and therefore it is. The building has an architectural vision, hype videos, and other things. There’s layers to this shit.
The Theatre: Who are you? Where did you come from? What do you want? Where have you been? Where will we go?
Winner: The Center. My brain hurts right now, so I’m not going to explain this.
C: While all good things take time (and destruction), construction for the Center has left a huge gaping hole in the Barnard campus and may or may not have led to the death of Maggie the Magnolia, may she rest in power.
T: Has the GMT hurt anyone? I feel like it’s just here to help.
Winner: The GMT. What a saint.
Ultimate winner: By virtue of not existing, The Cheryl and Philip Milstein Teaching and Learning Center loses to the Glicker-Milstein Theatre. Better luck next time, bud.
My boy via Barnard College