Have you been trapped in your house for the past four days with dwindling food and water? Do you feel like you’re about to lose your mind because your cable’s been out for the past five? Are you starting to get nervous about the fact that the airport is three feet under water and you’ve got a flight to Columbia in two days? No worries, we’ve all been there and this fellow Houstonian is here to help you get out this category five disaster to make sure that you get to campus safe and sound!
Call your local airport and beg them to let you on the next flight. Insist that you have to meet the Campus Storage guys on Saturday morning otherwise you’ll never be able to move into your McBain double on time and your year will never recover from this set back. Try crying a little if that doesn’t work, and while they might tell you that the planes won’t be able to take off for at least another week, don’t take no for an answer until they hang up on you.
Next call Columbia in a panic and explain your situation in explicit detail. Smile a little when they give you pity in hopes that they’ll give you work study or pay for what’s gonna be a hella expensive flight. When the awkward silence hits between you and the receptionist, hang up without hesitation.
Now you’re options are pretty limited, but luckily the water’s starting to recede so the highways out of the city have opened up. Give the Austin airport a ring and book a flight ASAP! The tickets maybe expensive but those Columbia blue skies are waiting for you and there’s no way Harvey can stop you.
When the water turns on shove all your clothes into the washing machines in desperate hopes of being able to do a year’s worth of laundry in six hours. Don’t even bother with dryer sheets, just hope nothing turns out pink.
Somehow get your parents to agree to drive you the three hour journey to Austin, and don’t forget to stop at that sketchy gas station and get a slushie for the road.
Get on your flight and realize that a bunch of other fellow Columbians had the same idea and share your Harvey™ stories while you take off.
When you land at JFK remind yourself that you’re luckier than most who went through this awful tragedy and be thankful for what you have and the support system around you that allowed you to get through this horrifying experience. Remind yourself that Columbia is a wonderful and safe place, and while stress culture can take it’s toll, you know that that’s only because of the privilege we have.
Be a good person and donate to the Red Cross to help victims of Hurricane Harvey and Irma!
Image via Bella, obv, because she was freaking there
harvey can kiss my ass
i had to go to my neighbors house and a fish swam past my leg