Warning: this post includes uncensored pictures of actual real-life disgusting communal bathrooms, including unflushed toilets and lots of hair. Do not scroll down or click on the jump if you’re eating or something, or just don’t want to see them.

Communal bathrooms are disgusting, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Theoretically, if every person who used a toilet and a sink just did what they’re supposed to do and flush and not make an entire mess, communal bathrooms would not be disgusting. And yet, here we are, at this Ivy League institution, Columbia University in the City of New York, founded in the year of 1754, in the current year of 2017, still not knowing how to flush a goddamn toilet, or how to pick up our own hair after a shower. Here is a guide on how to use a bathroom correctly.

Toilet:

*Please do not leave toilet paper on the floor. The floor tends to get wet from showers, which makes the toilet paper wet and gross. Why do people do this? 

  1. Pee or poo, do your thing, just try not to splash fecal matter on the seat (the part that touches other people’s butts). If you do, wipe it down. Also wipe your butt as necessary.
  2. Flush. Some toilets are automatic, but most are not. If a toilet is not automatic, there is a button or a lever you press that makes your fecal matter disappear into the pipes and into the New York City sewer system.
  3. Wipe whatever water drops or fecal matter you got on the seat (the part that touches other people’s butts).
  4. Wash your hands in the sink. With soap. Please.

Sink:

  1. Turn on the faucet. Sometimes, the sink is also automatic, but that’s only a select minority fancy sinks. The 1%, if you will. Most sinks require you to push a button or manipulate a lever of some sort.
  2. Wet your hands. A lot of people skip this step and go straight to putting soap on their hands, which I honestly do not understand. The soap foams better if your hands are already wet, so it’s more efficient at killing the germs that are on your hands from when you defecated above.
  3. Put the soap on your hands. Rub that good shit all over your hands. Don’t forget the little crevices because germs love that.
  4. Wash it off.
  5. Make sure you didn’t leave the sink a giant mess. If you did, clean it up.
  6. Dry your hands, using a hand dryer, a paper towel, a cloth towel, or whatever else may be at your convenience.

Shower

*Please wear shower shoes, and please do not have sex in a communal shower. 

  1. Turn on the water.
  2. Shampoo and condition or whatever you do. A lot of people don’t wash their hair every day, so this is optional.
  3. Wash your body with soap. Get clean.
  4. Wash off.
  5. If any hair has fallen out, or if you otherwise left bodily traces in the shower, clean that shit up.
  6. Dry off, enjoy your newly clean body.

Now, for the pictures. These are real pictures that I’ve taken over the last few weeks in McBain Hall. I didn’t go looking for disgusting bathrooms or anything, whenever I walked into a less-than-clean bathroom I just took a picture. Literally stop scrolling if you do not want to see pictures of toilets full of piss.