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ConspiracyBwog: How Does St. A’s Get Their Money?

Glad this album cover has single-handedly supported the St. A’s butler

Those who have walked through the foyer of the fateful house belonging to the members of St. Anthony’s hall often have a common question: how do these children fund the ridiculous inner workings of that townhouse? Staff writer Megan Wylie looked into the possibilities of how the ‘elite’ society gets its chump change.

Theory 1: They are still collectively living off of the Vampire Weekend proceeds they were promised in exchange for the band using the chandelier as the cover for their titular album debut.

Theory 2: They have been secretly frequenting the black market to sell the Rolexes that their pledges are allegedly forced to buy and throw in the Hudson.

Theory 3: They force members to donate a Canada goose jacket so they can turn them into overpriced luxury pillows.

Theory 4: They have been renting their secret pool to Upper West Side parents looking for bougie birthday parties for their eight-year-olds.

Theory 5: Every time Tinsley Mortimer/another alum has a breakdown covered by Page Six, they earn a percentage of the profits.

Theory 6: They still own the original downtown houses and have been renting singular rooms to artsy millionaires in Chelsea at a steep price by promoting the buildings as “historical,” “cozy” and “infamous.”

Theory 7: The ‘art’ they make for their theme parties is being sold at auction overseas and have been bringing in a surprisingly sizable income.

Theory 8: Their parents.

Photo courtesy of XL Recordings

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3 Comments

  • alum says:

    @alum in response to the “I wonder what the eat” tag, they have a chef that makes their meals. I highly recommending befriending a St. A’er just to be invited to their lunches and dinners!

    1. Not capitalist swine says:

      @Not capitalist swine Ew.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous They have rich connected donors.

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