I’m pretty sure it was Plato who once said, “bitches love elevated surfaces” (or something like that). The phrase rings true for a reason: at a crowded party, elevated surfaces provide a vantage point, a spotlight, and most importantly, space to breathe. Because elevated surfaces are a hot commodity that’s sometimes hard to come by at parties, I’ve come up with some alternative elevated surfaces that you probably haven’t thought of before. 

1. Hanging from the cabinets like they’re monkey bars. You’ve tried dancing on tables, counters, and even armchairs. But have you ever considered hanging off the top of cabinets? Cabinets can conveniently found in any EC suite, and using your God-given limbs to hang off of them is a surefire way to get you noticed at any party.

2. Bring your own folding stool. Why struggle to find an elevated surface, when you can bring your own? This is a great investment for only a little less than $20! Plus, it has even more, undervalued uses: bring it to Ref when you can’t find seating!

2a. Literal stilts. Along the lines of our last suggestion, why not just go all out and bring some literal stilts? Just like any good elevated surface, stilts provide attention, a view, and space.

3. A pile of the host’s textbooks. Since morality clearly no longer exists during parties, search the suite/brownstone/dorm room for textbooks to form a tall book tower in the middle of the dance floor. Look, an elevated surface!

4. The shelves. Partygoers often neglect shelves in favor of their more famous older brothers, the table and the countertop. No longer. 2018 will be the year of the shelf. Simply push everything off the shelf and viola – you have an elevated surface to dance on.

5. The air ventilation system. If the suite/brownstone/dorm room has a ventilation shaft in the ceiling, just climb into the ventilation system! This is perhaps the most elevated elevated surface you can get. If you want to make an entrance, just open the air vent from the inside and fall right out. This option is high-risk, but with certainly high returns.

I spent way too much time on these edits via Pixabay and Bwog Archives