Imagine this but dark

Guest Bwogger Danielle Mikaelian brings a more-terrifying-than-usual tale of EC elevators after they were plunged into sudden darkness over the weekend. Because everyone knows, the rules of human decency don’t apply anymore once the lights go out.

Sometimes you need to party your worries (and the concept of a GPA) away. If the brownstones on Frat Row aren’t enough to satisfy your wild college fantasies, you may find yourself at our beloved East Campus Residence Hall. Hoping to have fun, you follow the sound of blaring electronic music (and sometimes remixes of High School musical songs) and struggle to find a party that still has alc. Despite your plans, who knows what could happen? What happens in EC late at night is hardly predictable, as seen through sporadic JJ’s runs, students accidentally falling through multiple stories of EC, and running into that random person you hooked up with last weekend.

Our story begins at 3 am Saturday morning after I made the mistake of entering an EC elevator that was pitch black. The structure, devoid of light, created a haunting, strange environment akin to that of a prison cell. As the doors closed, I found myself with about ten other students…and eighteen floors to go. My blood ran cold as I contemplated the reasons behind this dark, twisted, enigmatic episode. What if this was an elaborate conspiracy to trap the future leaders of tomorrow? What if someone was trying to sabotage another student to take their Goldman internship? Who knew if the sudden darkness was masking the elevator being transported not to the EC lobby, but to Mars? I attempted to look around for clues, but the darkness concealed my surroundings, my fellow trapped inhabitants, and any panties possibly lying around. Escape seemed as impossible as getting PrezBo to be your sugar daddy.

While I was occupying myself with conspiracy theories, those around me decided to be productive in different ways. One girl, instead of predicting something cool that involved spies, chose to spend her time cursing the “ungodly tall people” that apparently “disconnected the lights.”

Meanwhile, as we continued our descent, another girl in the elevator decided to spice up her romantic life. She realized that the many levels of EC would lead to a long elevator ride and that this, plus the lack of light, would lead to the coolest makeout session ever! Choosing to make this fantasy real, she shouted the name of a fellow captive and told him that they should go for it. They proceeded to feel around, struggling to identify each other’s parts and orient themselves to proceed with the proposed action. Finally, after invading everyone’s personal space and possibly evoking a lawsuit, the two found each other, and a “yes, finally!” was heard. However, instead of accomplishing their goal and performing the elevator equivalent of riding off into the sunset together (aka having a really sloppy dark elevator makeout session), it was not meant to be. The gods (except Aphrodite of course), who were sick of mono spreading on campus, overthrew the unknown conspirators and lowered the elevator to the first floor of EC. We were saved! As the door opened and the world was filled with light once again, our unhappy couple sighed in defeat.

The rest of the captives all rejoiced, but I stopped in horror. Common sense had struck, and I realized we could have just used our iPhone flashlights the entire time.

i’m pretty sure that’s the EC elevator via Bwog Archives