You can’t see the stairs from outside, but trust us, they’re in there.

Recently, this unfortunate Bwogger enrolled in a class that meets Mondays and Wednesdays on the seventh floor of Hamilton Hall. After constantly forgoing the 20-minute elevator wait in favor of hiking up all six flights of stairs instead, she realized that the seven floors of Hamilton are perhaps best encapsulated by the seven stages of grief.

Floor 2: Pain and Guilt. This is where you start your inevitable journey; you first turn your back on the long lines around the elevator and instead take to the winding staircases. As soon as you step foot up the stairs, you suffer immediate pain in that twisted ankle you didn’t even know you had until now. If that’s not bad enough, you also start to have overwhelming feelings of guilt as you hike up past this floor, thinking to yourself that you maybe should have just waited for the elevator.

Floor 3: Anger and Bargaining. By the time you reach the second flight of stairs, you’re angry. You may lay unwarranted blame for your pain: who the hell only put one elevator in this building anyways? You might also attempt to negotiate with powers out of your control (“I will never drink again if you just give me the courage to get up these goddamn stairs”)

Floor 4: Reflection and Loneliness.  When you realize that you still haven’t reached floor 7 yet, you’re probably experiencing a period of sad self-reflection. At this point, you ultimately realize the true magnitude of the number of stairs you need to climb to get to your class, and it demoralizes you. You might focus on memories of a happier, pre-staircase past.

Floor 5: The Upward Turn. Wow, you’ve already hiked 4 flights! Your advanced position in your journey makes you feel like a more accomplished, more active human being.  Just as you begin adjusting to a healthier, staircase-driven lifestyle, you become a little calmer and organized with your thoughts.

Floor 6: Reconstruction and Working Through. As your mind clears, you start working through more realistic solutions to life’s problems (i.e. the elevators). It wasn’t that bad, you begin thinking to yourself as you take on a new lifestyle. I could probably do this again if I had to.

Floor 7: Acceptance and Hope. Given the turmoil you have just faced, you might not be able to return to the carefree, untroubled you that once existed prior to hiking up the stairs. But you will start to look forward and have hope: maybe your really good discussion in class today will make it all worth it. Eventually, you will be able to think about your inevitable fate of hiking up all 6 flights every day without pain; sadness, yes, but the pain will be gone.

Floor 1: Shock and Denial. If you realize that your class meets on floor 1 instead of floors 3-7, you’re most likely responding with complete shock and disbelief. You might think to yourself, do classes on floor 1 even exist? How have I gotten so lucky? Having a class on floor 1 is unlikely, and most likely a breach of reality on some level.

 Inevitable panting and  tiredness via Recycled Image