What we aspire all our pregames to be

Happening in the World: Scientists have recently discovered black holes manifested in the center of our galaxy, surrounding other black holes. Columbia’s very own astrophysicist Chuck Hailey published these findings, calling the presence of multiple black holes a “party.” Clearly, astrophysicists don’t need million dollar telescopes to find out bad things manifest around other bad things – just look at any group of Columbia students and a single bottle of Grey Goose. (Reuters)

Happening in the US: In news surprising no one, a party chaperone in Kentucky was arrested for the possession of drugs and alcohol in a house full of teenagers. Police officers who arrived at the scene immediately noticed the smell of weed and the discarded liquor bottles around the house. The 55-year-old chaperone, identified as Thomas Gardner, later confessed to possessing 20 grams of marijuana on top of the present alcohol and weed. Which is louder: the single man in my Barnard seminar or the amount of weed at this guy’s house? (Wear TV)

Happening in NYC: A guard from the Metropolitan Correctional Center has been accused of accepting bribes totaling $45,000 to sneak in a cellphone and alcohol to a prisoner. The jail itself is notorious for housing high profile prisoners, including El Chapo. The guard, identified as Victo Casado of the Bronx, is being charged with fraud. We say: let the prisoners party. (New York Times)

Happening on Campus: With Bacchanal in a little over 24 hours and subsequently very little time until students begin their 24 hour Bacchabenders, Bwog wants everyone to drink water (please) and pace themselves. Don’t puke at the pregame – Ty Dolla $ign would not want that for you.

Bop of the Day:

Party via Good Free Photos