Need some guidance after a long last day of classes? Senior Andres Aguyao has some advice to get you through this semester and the rest of your time at Columbia.
Name, School, Major, Hometown: Andres Aguayo; SEAS; Computer Science; Dallas, TX
Claim to fame: Better known as “That Guy On Campus That Looks Like Lin-Manuel Miranda.” Less interestingly, Executive Director of the Columbia Bartending Agency, Inc.
Where are you going? San Francisco! I’ve always wanted to live in a place where I could go to the bars in a Facebook T-shirt and have strangers shove their start-ups and salaries in my face. So fun.
What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2022?
1. JOIN THE BARTENDING AGENCY. Scrap together some money, grab your friends for the group discount, and take the bartending class because it was hands down no question the best decision I ever made in my time at Columbia. Having mixology knowledge will not only impress all those friends that will inevitably become obsessed with craft beers and cocktails the second they turn 21 – it will also give you the opportunity to make obscene amounts of cash by doing minimal work in some of the most unbelievable spots around the city. Get involved enough and you could even become a teacher for the class where you literally get paid to drink with your friends. Like, come on. Join the CBA.
2. Get off campus. I know, I know. You have so much to do this weekend and you couldn’t possibly make the time to get to Brooklyn for that show tonight. Well, as someone who is about to move across the country, I could not tell you how badly I wish I just had that little bit more time for all the amazing things there are to see and do here in NYC. Don’t find yourself looking back and regretting how little you explored just like EVERY OTHER SENIOR AT THIS SCHOOL. Fuck your GPA. Take a mental health break. Get out of this pressure cooker of a campus. Go do shit – I promise you’ll thank me if you do.
3. Seriously, join the bartending agency. Rush CBA.
“Back in my day…” The only staircase in Ferris was a spiral that fit exactly one person in width. Laundry costed $1.25/load in every residence hall. Hamdel was open 24hrs. PawPrint didn’t exist. Cannon’s, Ollie’s, Mudd roof, unrenovated McBain, *real* New York winters. God I’m old.
Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I ain’t gotta justify shit.
What was your favorite class at Columbia? Special Relativity with world-renowned theoretical physicist Brian Greene. I have all his books. He signed them for me after I turned in my final. I only cried a little bit.
Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? This is the only time my lactose intolerance would ever make my life easier.
Whom would you like to thank? Friends – old or new, forever or fleeting, real or… real-er. The weirdos who have put up with living with me. CBA. Carman 6. The Columbia Overwatch team (yep, that exists). My rave clique. All the professors who actually give a shit about mental health. Andrew Plaa, the not-so-hidden gem of CSA. Ferris action station. Every single minority, low income, or first-generation student that punches above their weight every damn day. And of course, anyone that says yes when I ask, “Who wants a shot?”
One thing to do before graduating: Steal the SEAS flag from the flagpole in front of Mudd. (Do administrators read these?)
Any regrets? Nah, I’m good.
Image via Andres Aguyao