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Conspiracy Bwog: Where In The World Is PrezBo?

Though protestors repeatedly tried to teach Columbia a lesson about worker’s rights, Prezbo has been notably absent from the conversation. Part of this is due to the fact that he is not on campus. Where did this enigmatic dictator go? Staff writer Megan Wylie has some thoughts. 

Found him!

The past week has included a lot of protestors, the President of Ireland, a gaggle of Councilpeople, various Assemblymen, notable SDS alums and Cynthia Nixon. Amongst all of these famous faces, however, one has been missing: our dear President, Lee Bollinger. You’d think he’d make an appearance in the midst of campus upheaval but alas, his house remains empty. While picket line chants ruminate across campus, PrezBo has deemed this the opportune time for a little Spring getaway. Where is he, you ask? Well, I have some theories:

  • He’s on a beach and is leaving a voicemail for the Provost saying, “you guys have fun! I’ll be back Wednesday”
  • Planning his run for governor against Cynthia Nixon
  • Playing golf at the Mar a Lago and laughing about union destruction with Trump’s entourage
  • Jumping into a pool filled with his $5 million dollar salary
  • Sunbathing on some autocratic leader’s yacht, negotiating an invite to the World Leaders Forum
  • Writing his commencement address centered on free speech and liberal ideals (while conveniently ignoring labor rights)
  • Discussing another book deal that’ll add to his aforementioned pool of money
  • He tried going to the stacks and got lost on level two. Look out for him this week
  • Hiding under a pile of free shirts and discarded pro-union signs
  • He’s actually just been waiting in line at the 114th street Starbucks this whole time and has yet to get his skim cappuccino
  • Persuading New York billionaires to fund another gentrifying STEM center uptown
  • He’s with DSpar and they’re currently jetskiing around Richard Branson’s private island
  • Alternatively, he’s interviewing for DSpar’s role as president of Lincoln Center
  • Plotting his revenge against the grad students by banning all relationships between faculty and students

Photo courtesy of  Martin Hanford (Edit courtesy of my procrastination)

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9 Comments

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous dead, missing, or in jail

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous He is actually constantly meeting people and fundraising to keep Columbia competitive which the students seem to ignore.

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Then he blows $22 mil of that fundraising on renovations on his seldom-occupied house.

    2. Get off your knees please says:

      @Get off your knees please Sorry, but CU’s endowment isn’t keeping up with peer endowments. He’s an awful president and one of the reasons I choose to max out my annual charitable with different organizations.

      1. alum says:

        @alum Actually Columbia has the highest annual returns average over the last decade in the Ivy League. It is just starting with a smaller endowment. Also many schools include all their affiliates as well as their hospitals and health care and insurance networks (Penn, Stanford, Northwestern, Michigan, etc.) which Columbia does not. You really need to halve these schools to compare apples to apples.

        1. Anonymous says:

          @Anonymous Not true. Yale’s returns blows it out of the water AND Harvard, Princeton, and Yale have all received more contributions than Columbia has, which is Bollinger’s actual job. Quit dick riding so hard. CU needs a new president. Time for him to hit the road.

          1. Anonymous says:

            @Anonymous Wrong and wrong. Columbia has the highest overall return averages for the last decade, and Columbia is second in the ivies only after Harvard for annual donations, and we are not even in the middle of a capital campaign where Harvard is. The medical school alone received almost a billion dollars in donations last year (610 mil from the Irvings, 250 mil from the Vagelos’) to name a few.

        2. Anonymous says:

          @Anonymous You’re counting 2008 where they were immunized well. Look at trailing 7 years.

  • Actually ... says:

    @Actually ... We know where he was; he was in Israel literally walking right past a Columbia Law prof being interrogated by the Tel Aviv police for supporting CUAD, and he did absolutely nothing about it. (Check out Democracy Now! from today for the video interview.)

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