this guy definitely has a sleeve

We’ve done Barnard. We’ve done SEAS. The end is in sight but we can’t forget GS. Despite a wide variety of degree programs, we here at Bwog have managed to boil GS students down to an essence they all share. Take this quiz to determine how much you’ve got or if that kid who won’t shut up in your class is an obnoxious GS student living up to the stereotype, or just plain obnoxious. Share your results in the comments!

If you suspect you or someone you love of having BGE, start with a base of 10 points and go from there:

• Is a MilVet (+5)
  • “but not one of those MilVets” (+4)
• Is a former ballerina (+5)
• Goes to Mel’s (+2)
  • know the bartenders at Mel’s (+5)
  • does shots with the bartender at Mel’s (+10)
  • has a mug at Mel’s (+15)
• Only friends with non-GS people (-12)
  • Is under 21 (-8)
  • Buys alcohol for underage friends (+5)
• Has a 4.0, qualifies for the maximum FAFSA contribution, and still doesn’t get any financial aid (+10)
• Is over 50 (+2)
• Has kids (+15)
  • Has to miss campus events because they can’t get a babysitter (+5)
• Has a sleeve tattoo (+1)
• Wears a suit on the first day of class (+2)
• Eats in the dining halls (-8)
• Has social media other than Facebook (-6)
• Only sits with other GS students in lectures (+3)
• Goes to Barnard science classes (+5)
• Doesn’t get the “Core experience” because they pay by the credit and it’s cheaper to fulfill the requirements other ways (+4)
• Drinks to forget that most the incoming CC freshman class were born in 2000 or later (+2)
• Went to the Barnard/GS picnic last spring (+2)
• “The three undergraduate schools of Columbia: CC, SEAS, and GS” (+3)
• Participates very heavily in discussion sections (+5)
  • Is condescending to the TA when they do it (+3)
  • Is older than the TA (+2)

• Takes philosophy classes to get the real Columbia experience (+2)
• “When I was in France…” (+4)
• Walks 15 minutes or more to get to campus (+15)
• Wrote an op-ed about swipe access (+10)
  • Ignored the fact that Barnard also doesn’t have swipe access in it (+5)
• Knows where the GS lounge is (+1)
  • Drinks in the lounge (+3)
  • Stayed too late studying and had to sleep in the lounge because their commute was too long to make going home worth it (+7)
• Can drive (+1)
  • Has a car (+7)
• Takes notes with a tablet and stylus (+2)
• Did all the readings (+1)
  • Did all the readings even though they have a job they actually use to support themselves and/or their families (+9)
• Is part of a GS-only club (+4)
  • Is the only GS member in a club (+6)
• Lives on campus (-5)
• Has a “story” (+5)
• Talks about their time at community college (+1)

Results

0-15 points: They’re pretty sure GS isn’t a real school, because everyone who says they go there is basically a clone of that one obnoxious guy in their poli-sci discussion section who never shut up. They think GS might be another acronym for a student organization or maybe a nursing home, based on all those buy sell memes calling them old.

16-35 points: Maybe they’re a commuter with a lot in common with other GS students or maybe they’re a GS person who has more in common with one of  Columbia’s other undergrad institutions. Either way, we here at Bwog know they’re valid.

36-60 points: They understand the subtle distinctions between the JTS and Sciences-Po dual degree programs and the politics of GS’ shitty financial aid program. While definitely a part of the Columbia community, they have their own lives outside of it which can sometimes keep them from connecting. When they do get involved, they can be some of the most dedicated people in the community (if occasionally obnoxious in class).

61+ points: They have seen this world and they are weary. Perhaps their life experience has made them value their education more than the rest of us,. Perhaps they are an ancient eldritch being forced to get a college degree because even immortals can’t make it in this economy without a BA degree.