Bottle of wine not included with our advice.

It’s been midterm week for two months now. You’re staying alive on a few hours of sleep, dining hall coffee, and fantasies of driving off into the sunset in PrezBo’s Audi. So what do you say when your aunt asks how your classes are going, and you haven’t been since the midterm? Bwog has some suggested answers that are 100% guaranteed to hide the truth (or make this the most interesting Thanksgiving ever).

• “Classes are a tool of the elite. You might as well ask how my fascism is coming.”
• “Actually, I dropped out. Did Mom forget to tell you?”
• Talk about Latin grammar until they leave. If you don’t know Latin, use Pig Latin.
• “Look, whatever my GPA ends up being by graduation, at least I’m not getting a degree from Cornell.”
• “Do colleges offer child care?”
• Pretend you thought they said “glasses” and tell them about your latest ophthalmology appointment.
• Shrug. And don’t stop shrugging. No matter what anyone says.
• Take a large bite of food and pretend to choke to change the subject. Make sure someone knows the Heimlich Maneuver in case the trick goes a little too far.
• “How are YOUR classes going, Aunt Ruthie? Huh?! Huh?!”
• Cry.

Have a great Thanksgiving everyone! Bwog will be back on Monday.

Photo via Bwog Archives