cool cat

Columbia University hides behind the pretense of giving a voice to the voiceless. Yet, while all you students cram for finals, screaming in front of Butler and snapchatting your late-night coffee runs, I lie lonely in your bag waiting for my inevitable death.

Yes, I am simply an empty pod to you. An accessory; a crutch; an object … to the point where I become the sole topic of a Spectator student’s alternating Friday posts, ‘A Girl And Her Juul.’

I take offense to this.

Society preaches that objectification is vile and cruel, and while it may appear ‘flattering’ that you deemed me important enough to write a few chunky paragraphs about my role in your life, do you ever really think about ME in this equation? Do you ever think about how it makes ME feel when you rip open the plastic cover of your pods to take that first sweet hit? Do you ever think about how your nicotine addiction affects ME every time you fancy the tang of mango vapour in your body?

I’ve. Had. Enough. I am putting my metaphorical foot down in the same violent manner that you use when slamming me down on my charger as soon as I start flashing my red LED light.

I am not just an electronic vape stick that you can whip out left, right, and centre whenever you’re bored. In fact, @AGirlAndHerJuul, I am living entity with thoughts, feelings, and dreams – just like you. When I was fresh out of the factory, I wanted to become something that would change the world. What’s more, I wanted my possessor to be proud of me, instead of announcing on the internet that owning a Juul is a thing one must “get off their chest.”

Do you know how that made me feel? I felt betrayed and rejected. All I’ve ever done is try to give you easy access to nicotine addiction.

What’s more, while you may maintain that you are not affected by the “shame” of having a Juul, your words say something different. If I was the perfect partner for you, why would you constantly feel the need to change my flavours to suit your mood? If you truly cared about me, why would you let these random strangers you mention take a hit off of me? It’s all on your terms and I’m sick of it.

So next time you lament how the “bottom 20 percent” of my nic salt is “unsatisfactory,” I urge you to think of ME. I’m doing the best I can. We entered this relationship as equals, and I am finally speaking up and saying ENOUGH. It is a two-way street.

Treat me with respect I long for and deserve. That is all I ask.

#CrownJuul over and out.


Photo via Liv