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Professors Whose Exams Are This Week: Why Are You Like This

Me this week, me every week

Senior Staff Writer Levi Cohen is at the end of his proverbial rope.

Look, I understand the idea that “you don’t believe in those Christmas finals.” I understand that you don’t want to be here on December 21st– me neither. (In fact, I’m somewhat excited at the idea of leaving campus early.) I understand that the idea of a Reading Week filled with anxious students emailing you their every thought must fill you with dread. By December, I, too, would be done with my students.

But do you really have to schedule your finals… now? The week before finals week, which happens to be the week designated for finals? A week during which we still have homeworks, papers, and problem sets due, considering it is not finals week, which is the week for finals, and is in fact “the week before finals week”– and if such a situation would arise that finals must be scheduled during this week, perhaps it might change its name to finals week rather than the week before finals week? Must I continue to descend into a maelstrom of madness and dismay as I stare down the two finals I have this Thursday? Must I console my friend who, bereft, has three on the same day?

You might argue that I’d probably procrastinate throughout all of Reading Week, dicking around and watching episodes of Bake-Off instead of directing a single thought towards my looming exams. And you know what, you’d be completely right. But it’s my God-given(?) right to waste my time like that, as opposed to my current situation– wherein regular studying feels like cramming, because I am cramming, BECAUSE IT ISN’T FINALS WEEK YET and SOMEHOW 40% OF MY TESTS ARE HAPPENING ANYWAYS.

In closing, I would like to say, “Stop this,” and also, “I am tired.”

Oh, and happy Hanukkah.

Self-portrait in times of distress via Bwog archives

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