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Stop Ordering Junzi To Your Dorm

WALK HERE!

Staff Writer Ezra Lerner is sick and tired of you not being sick and tired but still ordering nearby food. 

If you have physical disabilities or accommodations that make it easier for you to Grubhub, this post is not for you. Big ups for taking the initiative to use technology to make this campus slightly more accessible.

For anyone else who uses Grubhub/Seamless to order Junzi to their dorm, though, you are the absolute worst person. The worst. The restaurant is on 113th. Walk there. Bike there. Ride a camel there. There is no earthly reason why you cannot get down to 113th.

And if you were wondering, yes the Grubhub driver who has his hands in electric gloves does think you’re a jackass for not going there yourself. I talked to every single Grubhub driver in the Manhattan area in preparation for this article, and they all said the exact same thing, that you’re “a jackass.”

You deserve tomato and egg: the worst kind of sauce. It is literally just tomato and egg. It tastes like motor oil. I hope that even when you order jaja, or the other one, they give you tomato and egg, because you are the tomato and egg of people.

I also hope its cold….and gross. (If you got the tomato and egg sauce, voluntarily or not, then it definitely will be.) The driver should go deliver to literally every other single person on earth who needs food and then come back to you. They deserve their food. You deserve to be hungry. And sad. And alone for the rest of your life.

In conclusion, don’t suck as a human being, walk down to Junzi. Order your food. Say hello to other people. Pick up a free candy and bring it back to your dorm. Let the Seamless drivers visit the people who actually can’t get to the restaurants they are ordering from.

[On a serious note, taking a few minutes to walk and get food while studying for finals can be super helpful. It can help you clear your head and remind yourself that there is a world outside of the next test. Having it delivered directly to you does not that do that.]

Nexus of Your Incompetence via Bwog Archives

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5 Comments

  • @Your Sense of Humor Stop writing bwog articles. How bow dah? I mean for fuck’s sake. Jesus christ. Actually just stop writing period! Exclamation point i mean my gawwwdddd. Lordddd. I can’t even express how much pain it caused me to get through even a fucking paragraph of this. I mean come the fuck on…its just such garbage….AHHHHHHH…..take a comedy class, learn how to get off your high horse, calm the fuck down, suck a dig, idk, go into finance, admit you have no personality, idk, ugh bye

    1. your opinion says:

      @your opinion as relevant as a spider fart. keep the shit in the third floor butler bathroom

  • oof says:

    @oof yeah this was a pretty garbage post/article lol

  • Nepotism says:

    @Nepotism Ezra Lerner…as in Alfred Lerner? Could you BE any more jewish

    1. :/ says:

      @:/ 1) Lerner is a really common last name
      2) I really don’t think nepotism or special treatment is required to become a writer for Bwog…all you need is a pulse and you’re in.

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