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Columbia’s Calorie Crunches

reasons to avoid Dodge: neon laces

Going to Dodge isn’t a pleasant experience for anyone. It’s smelly, sweaty, and you’re often confronted with the sight of a fiendishly good badminton team reminding you of your athletic inferiority. Sometimes, when I’m feeling particularly masochistic, I’ll haul my ass to the weights room at 6 am just to scare all of the protein-shake-consuming-males – but bar that, I’ve started finding new ways to burn off my JJ’s food binges:

  1. The 9 pm sprint down Ref’s main aisle when you find the one spare seat at the back;
  2. Using the stairs in Ham when the elevator proves to be literally nonexistent (take two at a time and your butt muscles will thank you for it in the long run);
  3. Power chewing through John Jay’s overcooked chicken (your mouth aches afterwards);
  4. Hooking up with a Carman kid… need I say more…?;
  5. Squatting behind and sprinting around the general public to avoid your ex in Ferris;
  6. A leisurely stroll to Book Culture… and then the crawl back when waylaid with books;
  7. Trying to properly close or open a Reid window when it’s rusted over – Jess and I can speak from brutal experience here;
  8. Joining the seriously all-weather frisbee fanatics on South Field West;
  9. Working those quads when strutting up Lerner’s weird slanted ramp things;
  10. Putting on those naughtiest hits (3OH!3 I’m talking about you) and dancing your way to class;
  11. Cat walking Ollie when Liv (oh god, I’m now referring to myself in the third person) is too lazy to take him out for exercise;
  12. Violently wrestling your friend when they grab your phone and try to like your crush’s Insta post from 2015.

Photo via Columbia

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