Bird Box is a metaphor. The creatures are my responsibilities

Bwog hit some high highs and fell to some low lows over the winter break; below are some of the stories and misadventures from that time. Send in your hijinks to tips@bwog.com to be featured.

Disclaimer: as ever, Bwog does not condone underage drinking or illegal drug use.

Bwog Lived La Vida Loca

• Smoked a blunt a day in miami, subsequently got bronchitis
• Lived off of straight strawberry daiquiris for a week in cancun
• Got wasted on bondi beach
• Crashed a party full of freshman. Got fucked up on moonshine, smoked in Riverside while worshipping the Super Wolf Blood Moon, and watched Pulp Fiction for the first time while incredibly crossed.
• Tried to buy some booze with my friend in MA; had to go to three different stores until one would actually sell to us (even though we’re both over 21?)  (MA is the worst state, sorry)
• Finally got a fake from my boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend’s roommate’s sorority sister
• Went on a tinder date where i was really drunk and made a complete fool of myself but somehow he’s still texting me also i’m a little obsessed with him rn
• Went to a party in boston w a few friends from emerson and couldn’t figure out whether it was a suffolk party, a bu party, or a northeastern party. i still don’t really know.
• Brought chocolate-covered pretzels to a new year’s party and partied there.
• Went to a nude beach several times

Bwog Went Home

• Drove an hour and a half away to go to a mall because i got sick of the one near my house.
• Ate at my favorite restaurant near my high school 3 times in a week
• Drove the family minivan for a month and loved it
• Moved into my parents’ new house! New town new room babyyyyy
• Marveled at how the washing machines at home actually work
• Happened to be in my car for eight separate broadcasts of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony
• Cried hugging my dog on multiple occasions

Bwog Navigated Interpersonal Relationships

• Went on my first-ever double date. (It was very successful.)
• Put my feelings about my dad into a Spider-verse fanfic instead of actually dealing with them.
• Engaged in emotional warfare with my parents
• Caught up w a friend i haven’t seen since we went to gov ball together almost two years ago. got way too emotional reminiscing about the past and realizing how much i miss him.
• Went on a tinder date with a literal white supremacist (as in he said “i am a white supremacist” (in french))
• Writing conferenced my sister to help her navigate her potential “romantic” “relationship.”
• Somehow made my love-life even more confusing
• Parents told me I spent too much on clothes after going through my bank statements so am legit going to start going to Shopaholics Anonymous :-)
• Was about to have sex with a boy (who I’m going to marry I’ve decided bc we’ve been involved for 4 years) but my mum walked in and turned on the lights when we were naked and I was pinning him down #help

Bwog And Health

• Ate my weight in frozen custard
• Got food poisoning and couldn’t eat solid food for the week after :(
• Had pho at a place called “pho king good”
• Went to soul cycle two times in one week  – dis ma year boyz
• Lifted five days a week the whole time I was home. yay for ny resolutions!

Bwog And Travel

• Skied past the Chilean women’s ski team in Colorado.
• Looted several hotels and my sister’s bathroom for nicer toiletries
• Had a beautiful time back in London with my incredible friends
• Broke my phone the second i landed in london
• Lost my GREEN CARD after a night out in paris
• Somehow made it home to boston sans green card
• Went scuba diving at night, saw an eel catch its dinner

Bwog And Culture

• Had a wholesome day rushing The Band’s Visit, getting a library card, shopping at a Zara sale, making dinner and marathoning Black Mirror with a friend.
• Watched the autopsy of jane doe and actually cried shit was so scary
• Saw Sense and Sensibility on stage – Mrs. Jennings accidentally  backed into a door frame and played it off with “the last time I backed into wood that hard, I was in bed for a week”

Slice Of Bwife (Bwog Life)

• Broke my Catan winning streak after a very intense game at my internship. (We would have won on the next turn…I’m not still bitter)
• Got caught in a rainstorm while hiking and had to power up a slope made entirely of mud to reach my car
• Led a Costco trip (aka was the gal with the membership) for eight people who live in five different places.
• Spent an absurd amount of money on ubers
• Read two thirds of two books.
• Met a ton of dogs training to be service dogs!
• Saw more movies in theaters than friends, and loved it
• Started applying to jobs AHHHHHHHHH
• Played Super Mario Smash Bros. for the first time.
• Procrasti-baked many loaves of bread, putting off writing my thesis
• Got into law school!

Bwog And Bird Box

• Watched bird box

Image via Pexels