Bird Box is a metaphor. The creatures are my responsibilities
Bwog hit some high highs and fell to some low lows over the winter break; below are some of the stories and misadventures from that time. Send in your hijinks to email@example.com to be featured.
Disclaimer: as ever, Bwog does not condone underage drinking or illegal drug use.
Bwog Lived La Vida Loca
Smoked a blunt a day in miami, subsequently got bronchitis
Lived off of straight strawberry daiquiris for a week in cancun
Got wasted on bondi beach
Crashed a party full of freshman. Got fucked up on moonshine, smoked in Riverside while worshipping the Super Wolf Blood Moon, and watched Pulp Fiction for the first time while incredibly crossed.
Tried to buy some booze with my friend in MA; had to go to three different stores until one would actually sell to us (even though we’re both over 21?) (MA is the worst state, sorry)
Finally got a fake from my boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend’s roommate’s sorority sister
Went on a tinder date where i was really drunk and made a complete fool of myself but somehow he’s still texting me also i’m a little obsessed with him rn
Went to a party in boston w a few friends from emerson and couldn’t figure out whether it was a suffolk party, a bu party, or a northeastern party. i still don’t really know.
Brought chocolate-covered pretzels to a new year’s party and partied there.
Went to a nude beach several times
Bwog Went Home
Drove an hour and a half away to go to a mall because i got sick of the one near my house.
Ate at my favorite restaurant near my high school 3 times in a week
Drove the family minivan for a month and loved it
Moved into my parents’ new house! New town new room babyyyyy
Marveled at how the washing machines at home actually work
Happened to be in my car for eight separate broadcasts of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony
Cried hugging my dog on multiple occasions
Bwog Navigated Interpersonal Relationships
Went on my first-ever double date. (It was very successful.)
Put my feelings about my dad into a Spider-verse fanfic instead of actually dealing with them.
Engaged in emotional warfare with my parents
Caught up w a friend i haven’t seen since we went to gov ball together almost two years ago. got way too emotional reminiscing about the past and realizing how much i miss him.
Went on a tinder date with a literal white supremacist (as in he said “i am a white supremacist” (in french))
Writing conferenced my sister to help her navigate her potential “romantic” “relationship.”
Somehow made my love-life even more confusing
Parents told me I spent too much on clothes after going through my bank statements so am legit going to start going to Shopaholics Anonymous :-)
Was about to have sex with a boy (who I’m going to marry I’ve decided bc we’ve been involved for 4 years) but my mum walked in and turned on the lights when we were naked and I was pinning him down #help
Bwog And Health
Ate my weight in frozen custard
Got food poisoning and couldn’t eat solid food for the week after :(
Had pho at a place called “pho king good”
Went to soul cycle two times in one week – dis ma year boyz
Lifted five days a week the whole time I was home. yay for ny resolutions!
Bwog And Travel
Skied past the Chilean women’s ski team in Colorado.
Looted several hotels and my sister’s bathroom for nicer toiletries
Had a beautiful time back in London with my incredible friends
Broke my phone the second i landed in london
Lost my GREEN CARD after a night out in paris
Somehow made it home to boston sans green card
Went scuba diving at night, saw an eel catch its dinner
Bwog And Culture
Had a wholesome day rushing The Band’s Visit, getting a library card, shopping at a Zara sale, making dinner and marathoning Black Mirror with a friend.
Watched the autopsy of jane doe and actually cried shit was so scary
Saw Sense and Sensibility on stage – Mrs. Jennings accidentally backed into a door frame and played it off with “the last time I backed into wood that hard, I was in bed for a week”
Slice Of Bwife (Bwog Life)
Broke my Catan winning streak after a very intense game at my internship. (We would have won on the next turn…I’m not still bitter)
Got caught in a rainstorm while hiking and had to power up a slope made entirely of mud to reach my car
Led a Costco trip (aka was the gal with the membership) for eight people who live in five different places.
Spent an absurd amount of money on ubers
Read two thirds of two books.
Met a ton of dogs training to be service dogs!
Saw more movies in theaters than friends, and loved it
Started applying to jobs AHHHHHHHHH
Played Super Mario Smash Bros. for the first time.
Procrasti-baked many loaves of bread, putting off writing my thesis