Barnard housing season has come to a close, whether you got the Sulz Single of your dreams, an okay Plimpton Suite, or got screwed over twice and ended up on the Guaranteed List, what happened, happened.

Saturday Daily Mary Clare Greenlees, a freshman at Barnard and member of the coveted Guaranteed List has ideas on what Dungeons and Dragons Alignment each upperclassman dorm falls under. 

Lawful Good: There’s a reason the cut-off for Sulz Tower singles was 300/118. They are truly nice™, prime real-estate. You are close to campus, but you also have a decent kitchen (no need to go on the Upperclassman Meal Plan for $4,700!). You get the added bonus of air conditioning (a commodity on campus). Why wouldn’t you want to spend your senior year in a cool single with all of your pals?

Neutral Good: Settled at 110th and Manhatten Ave, Cathedral Gardens suites are bold and beautiful (Barnard). If you have a great lottery number, you might have even had a chance at one of the few studio doubles in the space. This is the epitome of off-campus living, you are around a 15-minute walk from Barnard gates, which can be tiresome. However, look on the bright side, you get a great calf workout, while at the same time getting an off-campus experience while living in a spacious room with your friends! It’s close to grocery stores and is the closest Barnard dorm to the Trader Joe’s on 93rd and Columbus, which is the only thing that matters.

Chaotic Good: For this category, we have the entirely of Plimpton, however, they are both here for different reasons. First, we have Plimpton Hall (Floors 7-15), while you have beautiful views and you aren’t close to the ground which I guess is good. What makes it chaotic is one of the slowest elevators in the Universe, especially when the fire alarm has a tendency to go off.  Then we have Plimpton Hall (Floors 2-6), generally less sought after than its higher floor brethren, as you don’t get as great a view and may be close to an RA. However, if you live on a low enough floor, no need to wait for that slow elevator, you can simply….walk (useful for fire alarm situations)!

Lawful Neutral: This one goes out to the juniors who thought they could do better, 616 West 116th (aka 600s aka 616). However, there are many positives of 616! First off, although you may have to have that roommate (leading to discussions of rules and such, hence the Lawful title), the rooms are fairly spacious! You are close to campus all while having the off-campus feel of the suite. Not a bad suite choice. I don’t have too much to say about this bad boi.

True Neutral: 616 and 620 were close together, however, based on Bwog articles I think 620 may be nicer? But, 620 West 116th (aka 600s aka 620) is True Neutral. Like the rest of the 600s, it’s close to campus and close to the amenities being central to campus offers. Here we have a nice, mostly senior dorm. Floors 5-10 are all fairly big singles, with a view of either a lovely airshaft or 116th St, depends on what your group decides on. This doesn’t have the title of Lawful, as the only room negotiations take place is during selection, in which you decide which of your friends will be shafted. While this is inherently a pretty nice dorm, you still need to walk up a hill, which exercise :/.

Chaotic Neutral: Although it is a 600 in name, it is not one at heart, which is why 601 West 110th St (aka 110) gets the position of Chaotic Neutral. It doesn’t act maliciously on purpose, it just is like that sometimes (in reference to the supposed roaches?). Its chaotic energy comes from the wide variety in layouts, there are AMAZING studio singles (which this year require a waitlist as Barnard is right now in a lease battle with the building lmao), you also have your fairly decent studio doubles (with a kitchenette, but who needs an oven, truly?), but then there are nine-person suites (NINE). 110 exudes chaotic energy, while some of it can be called “bad” it’s not a terrible choice in dorms, especially if you would rather pretend you are a real New Yorker™ with an apartment.

Lawful Evil: The last of the 600s, 600 West 116th St (aka part of the 600s aka 600) is almost entirely doubles. As someone who has shared a room since the birth of my sister in 2001, I never really saw the huge issue with doubles, however, I now understand. I want my own space! 600 is very close to campus, but it has no AC and has a variety of room sizes with the huge possibility of being shafted. Coupled with a mouse problem (which I don’t want mice, but also it’s an old building in a large city everyone, vermin are a thing), some say this is not the most desirable location. However, it has a secret on the E line, studio doubles (but lose some of the magic as they are entirely shafted).

Neutral Evil: And here we have the Quad 2.0, Hewitt Hall. Singles are nice! I have to admit, however, they can be a bit small in Hewitt (however, the size of an average Hewitt single is larger than my half of a Brooks Quad, so I can’t complain). The Evil moniker comes from two main components, the first being you are surrounded on all sides by freshman (yikes). The second being that you are REQUIRED to enroll in the $4,700 Upperclassman Quad Meal Plan, and I want to cook my own meals dammit! Let me have a kitchen!

Chaotic Evil: Why in God’s name would you choose Elliot Hall feat. Andersen Hall when there are actual? Other options available? It has similar benefits to the 600s in that it is central to campus, however, you do not get the luxuries of a suite kitchen, and instead get to live in the Quad 2.1 (but you don’t HAVE to have an Upperclassman Meal Plan) with corridor style living. However, many who live in Elliot (or Andersen) are not there by choice, as Barnard sticks almost all the transfer students there. But to those in the 1/2/3 who willingly picked into Elliot with a GOOD lottery number, I would like to know, why?

the neutral evil option via Wikimedia Commons