Drunkenly written via Notes app in a downtown club, we give you: the saga of the Mattress Mogul.

I am the mattress mogul. I am the mogul of mattresses. I see on the barnard 2022 groupme : who has an air mattress? i do. i have it. you can have it for 5 dollars. i give t to you, for 5 dollars. not for free. that’s not what the mogul does. i have moths to feed. they need me. anyways, 5 dollar a night. it is the price. i buy a mattress off amazon for 19 dollars. good price. that means that i only need 3 nights rental. i make that: easy. i buy a new mattress. i now have two. i rent them both out for 2 nights: i make 20 dollars. i am rich. i continue this until i have 8 mattresses. amazing. my roommate, she doesn’t know why i have so many mattress. i cant tell her i am the mattress king. i have to get rid of everything t i own to make way for the mattresses. mattresses, mattresses, mattresses. i am rich from the mattresses. i rename the milstein center the mattresstein center. amazing. i make money every weekend. cardi b would be proud. and so would cheryl milstein.