This underclassman Bwogger reminisces about the good old days of Columbia, according to stories that she’s heard from upperclassmen.

The only thing seniors seem to like to do more than ranting about Senior Gala drama or captioning their Melbourne-filtered-coffee-shop Insta stories with, “Thesis Writing 😩😩,” is reminiscing about the dead establishments and traditions of Columbia that existed when they were first-years.

Statements like, “Oh my god Nuss! Ugh, rest in peace,” “Remember when I did the splits in Cannons? Omg haha so quirky and fun lol!!!!” and “Wow, Columbia is really going downhill these days,” have led me to believe that Columbia truly used to be all that and a bag of organic blue corn tortilla chips. For you other wide-eyed underclassmen like me, who are wondering what past Columbia really was like, don’t worry. After hearing enough stories, I’m, like, (not to brag or anything) kind of an expert on Columbia in the olden days. Here’s what I got:

• Cannon’s: Bar on 108th/Broadway. People used to throw DOWN here. Dancing on tables, loud raucous screaming, hookups in every corner, a mini-vodka river, all kinds of illicit substances – you name it, Cannon’s had it. Apparently, in the winter, people would just end up walking to Cannon’s in the nude because everyone’s coats would be stolen/ruined/lost in the chaos of people having fun. Yeah it was THAT crazy!! It was the kind of place that made you go out not just on the weekend, but also on a Monday night when you just had 2 papers and a take-home final assigned. Oh, and Tuesday, and Wednesday, and Thursday night too.
• Amigos: All the waiters were the nicest, coolest people you’ll ever meet. In fact, the waitstaff at Amigos were probably the most popular people at Columbia. Everyone and their mother would have a photo with the fishbowls, but beware – one time this one girl’s friend finished an entire one by herself, and woke up the next morning alone in a SoHo hotel room that she had paid for, with nothing but last night’s clothes, a burner phone, and a pink wig.
• B@B: Stands for Bored @ Butler. Like a live chatroom for Columbia, but high-tech and ran basically at the speed of light. Profoundly changed everyone’s lives. On B@B, friends were made, roommate conflicts were resolved, long-lost, separated-at-birth identical twins were reunited, etc. etc. I heard that a couple that met online there is now married. Crazy.
• M2M: Asian supermarket with lime green exteriors. The aisles were tiny, like 1/98th of the width of a John Jay single. They carried every kind of delicious Asian packaged snack, which would be your drunk food of choice past 1 AM (because obviously JJ’s was closed after 1 AM). The noodles and sushi were so good, but also gave you the worst stomach-ache. Guess all good things come at a price.
• EC: Basically, the Plaza Hotel but at Columbia. Now, it’s just a glorified petri dish for black mold. Sad!
• Nussbaum & Wu, or “Nuss”: Bagels as soft as baby’s butt. Cream cheese as yummy as could be. You will never find another bagel as good as the ones at Nussbaum & Wu, in the entire hecking tri-state area. I heard that the scent of bagels baking in the morning was so delicious, it knocked out Columbia students who were living in the dorm rooms above Nuss at the time. And that’s definitely not just a rumor.
• Ollies: Nonexistent. Like I’ve heard this name, but never with any explanation of what it was. I actually have literally no idea what this is. Guess no one really missed her that much. Sayonara bitch!!!