This crotchety old man we found eating in John Jay shares his wisdom and won’t tell us how he got in here!
Name, School, Major, Hometown: What? What was the question? I can’t hear you.
Claim to Fame: For my affair with Marilyn Monroe in the 50’s. Do you guys know who she is? Very popular actress.
Where are you going? To my granddaughter’s ballet recital and then to the grocery store to pick up Greek yogurt.
What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the class of 2023?
“Back in my day…” Room keys weren’t “electronic” and women weren’t allowed to be in this mall food court!
Favorite Columbia controversy? What is Columbia?
Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I’m 92 years old and from Stamford, Connecticut.
What was your favorite class at Columbia? Why is no one answering my question? What is Columbia? What is a “class”?
Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I haven’t had either since 1987.
Who would you like to thank? YOU! For wasting my time! And this food court for not having a Panda Express. Disappointing!
One thing to do before graduating: Graduating? I’m 92, and I would like to go to the Cayman Islands.
Any regrets? Yeah! This lentil soup is awful. I shouldn’t have gotten it.
Old Man via iStock Photos