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Senior Wisdom: Sam N.

Carman 6’s designated cockroach killer bestows some knowledge. 

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Sam N., CC, Biology, Chevy Chase, Maryland

Claim to fame: I once tweeted a picture of a live cockroach I found in my chipotle bowl and got around 1000 retweets. I also was the designated cockroach killer on Carman 6. More notably, I am one of the original admins of Columbia Buy Sell Memes (does anyone want to take over the page btw?).

Where are you going? Ummmm……..

I don’t have a job lined up or any plans to really do anything except hang out with my grandma, explore the city, and go to the beach this summer. I think I just need some time to really digest the past four years and figure out what’s next. I guess I’m premed so maybe I’ll go to med school one day? We’ll see. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2023?

1. You’re not special and you don’t know everything. A lot of people who come to Columbia are used to being good at everything. Maybe you get good grades, excel in your extracurriculars, won some awards etc. but that doesn’t mean SHIT at this school. Your advisors and professors know so much more than you do and most of your peers are in fact better than you every way. Sorry! The longer you hold onto this idea that you know what’s right, what’s wrong, what’s best, the longer you fail to grow as a person and remain the bratty high schooler you are.

2. Don’t lie about how you’re feeling. Many people come to college thinking that everything is going to be great- you’ll do well in your classes and have a healthy social life. WRONG. The transition from high school and living at home is likely going to be both academically and socially shocking. Don’t tell your friends, parents, and yourself “I love college!” when you’re failing all your classes and hate most of your friends. If you’re struggling (which you probably will be at some point), you need to find people who you can honestly vent to and will make you feel better. If your friends don’t want to listen to you talk about your insane pile of work, your ex who keeps texting you, or your residual trauma from your parents’ divorce, find new friends!

3. Do what makes you happy. Don’t be premed just because your parents are doctors, don’t do an internship just because it seems everyone else is doing one, and don’t be friends with people because they are “popular” (being popular in college doesn’t exist). College is where you really figure out that everyone is different and there’s no universal measure for success. Find things you love and if you don’t love them find new things. College/life is too short to take uninteresting classes, do unfulfilling extracurriculars, and hang around awful people (you will meet a lot of TERRIBLE people at this school btw).

“Back in my day…” I raced bikes, I was skinnier, I didn’t really like Columbia, I hated olives, I missed home, I was really good at the piano, I was definitely less friendly, I had wisdom teeth, Carman was disgusting, memes were cool kind of, Canada Geese were somewhat rare, and Obama was president.

Favorite Columbia controversy? Idk if this is really a controversy but why does John Jay run out of real eggs in the omelet line almost every day? Eggs are so cheap- why can’t they just buy more????? I emailed Columbia dining about this a few months ago but never got a reply. If any administrator would like to comment on this issue please either leave a response below or respond to my email. Thanks!

Related controversies: Egg Gate and Egg^2 Gate

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: Some of y’all bout to be real mad at me… but it must be said… I’m perfect :)

What was your favorite class at Columbia? Art Hum with Isabella Lores-Chavez- they say everyone should take an Art History class in college and I’m glad I was forced to. Thanks Core Curriculum!

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Oral sex :)

Whom would you like to thank? Thank you to my parents for shelling out all this money so I could do (?????) for four years, the 10% of my professors who were actually somewhat decent lecturers, and my friends who made this experience sooooooooo fucking weird (in a good way).

Also shout out to Carias, Toby, Gayve, Milky, Meritas, Tnarg, Lana, Mary Kate, Ms. Rx, and Crack.

One thing to do before graduating:

5 things:
1. Be yourself!
2. Step your [redacted] up honey!
3. Get a job!
4. Own a business!
5. [redacted]!

Any regrets? I regret being too hard on myself and other people in my early college days… I guess I wish I learned earlier how to not do that and just relax. I also regret the fact that some people whom I’ve met multiple times consistently refuse to make eye contact/say hi to me. Grow up!

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  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous asl?

  • shout out to says:

    @shout out to crack

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