Discover more about the elusive overlords of Bwog with this riveting interview featuring questions and answers that are almost too scandalous to publish.
This week I decided it was finally time to unmask the mysterious triumvirate that runs the website we know and love so I asked none other than Jenny Zhu, Zöe Sottile, and Zack Abrams several strange questions to really poke at the core of their beings. In this tell-all account, we finally get to experience these three elusive and hypnotic beings at their most vulnerable…
In order of who answered my questions first, we’ll begin with a brief exchange with Zack Abrams
CG: What would be the creepiest thing you could say while passing a stranger on the street?
ZA: They know what you did and they’re coming for you.
A subtle yet jarringly effective phrase to deliver to any unexpecting passerby.
CG: If you had a third ear, where would you put it?
ZA: Next to my Third Eye.
Could Zack be hinting here that he Sees what we commonfolk do not? Perhaps that explains his constant vigilance, for he knows what lies ahead.
CG: You are given the chance to have full creative control of a two hour Netflix special. What
would it be called and what would be the premise?
ZA: Phantom Thread 2: 2 Phantom 2 Thread
What the fuck, Zack? What does this mean? Is it code?
CG: You survive nuclear warfare. What’s your favorite part about life now?
ZA: I wouldn’t survive, I would have run directly into the blast radius. I literally drink soylent because I’m too lazy to get real food, you think I’m scrounging around eating fried subway rat?
The question clearly states that you survive, Zack, but whatever. Also– fried subway rat? Am I to understand that would be the culinary silver lining of the post-apocalyptic scene?
CG: What’s the best impulse purchase you’ve ever made?
ZA: My matching mondrian jumpsuit.
I had to look this one up to understand what he meant. Imagine someone designed a jumpsuit but they weren’t allowed to use any actual creativity. Strange choice, Zack.
Moving onto the shining star of this series of interviews due to her stunning prose and detailed replies, I present to you: Jenny Zhu.
CG: If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends and family assume you had done?
JZ: Petty theft of the unarmed variety. True life MTV, I’m a reformed kleptomaniac. All those pastel erasers, Burt’s Bees chapsticks, and kaleidoscopic knick-knacks of a private school bookstore will really do a number on a 9-year-old with no inhibitions. Honestly, when interacting with society at large, I’m too much of an actual narc to commit a crime.
CG: What is the weirdest thing you have seen in someone else’s home?
JZ: Russian nesting dolls, that’s all.
CG: Which body part do you wish you could detach and why?
JZ: My hair! This is a shower thought I have on the daily – it would be so dope if all human beings woke up one morning and just suddenly were….hairless. Like not just on our head, but everywhere, even on our arms and our eyebrows. Just think about it. The ANARCHY of it all! The CHAOS! So exciting. I would laugh so hard.
CG: If you had to suddenly flee the country, where would you live and why?
JZ: On a normal day I would say Hawaii, but today I was working on an Econometrics p-set that required me to do in-depth research on the island of Malta. Malta was an outlier on our data set, which plotted trade share versus growth rate of various countries, because of its small, market-oriented economy, largely dependent on freight and transport business conducted with Europe. As you can tell, I’m now VERY invested in the country of Malta. I think I would live there just for the sheer novelty of it! It also sounds like the name of candy.
CG: Describe your favorite color without mentioning the color at all.
JZ: The bask of warm sunshine. The wide petals of flowers stretching for the skies. Pure laughter. Billie Lourd jumping off of the cruise ship in the film Booksmart. Camp to the extreme. Happiness but a little off-kilter. A big, dopey smile from a golden retriever in slow motion. An ice-cold pitcher of extra-sweet sweet tea on a balmy summer day.
I didn’t feel the need to comment on each of Jenny’s responses because, as everyone can tell, they speak volumes for themselves about the dazzling and abundant life that she leads. Through her words, we feel welcomed into the world of Jenny Zhu and really grasp what it means to live in the moment and appreciate the bounty of the world (especially Malta). Thank you, Jenny.
And Finally, the woman I had to practically beg to answer me, you all know her for infectious smile (and pneumonia). The one, the only, Zöe Sottile.
CG: What set of items could you buy that would make the cashier the most uncomfortable?
ZS: A pineapple and a pizza.
I could be wrong, but I think Zöe is trying to tell us something here about what she thinks is and isn’t appropriate for pizza toppings. Hot take, Sottile.
CG: What two totally normal things become really weird if you do them back to back?
ZS: Get dressed then take a shower!
How wacky! How scandalous!
CG: What is the best piece of advice you’ve received?
ZS: Don’t date film majors.
Listen up you film buffs, stay away!
CG: How do you handle people you don’t like?
ZS: I handle them with care!
This response actually struck me as very sweet and admirable. Zöe urges us to consider that just because we don’t like someone doesn’t mean they aren’t deserving of our respect and kindness. I’m touched, Zöe.
CG: If you were a kitchen appliance, which would you be and why?
ZS: I would be a big pot because I can hold a lot of mac and cheese.
This really just leaves me speechless.
I hope these brief interviews give you all a better understanding of who runs Bwog and why this website is the way it is. Big thanks to Jenny, Zack, and Zöe for letting me bug them for about ten minutes each to churn out this post. Much love.
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