Menu CATEGORIES

Connect with us

CATEGORIES Menu
All Articles

Over-sensed: Low Steps

Like Overheard, but make it interactive.

Hello fellow Bwog fanatics! On this episode of Overheard, I thought I’d dive a little deeper into everyone’s favorite Bwog topic/Instagram account/eavesdropping arena. While overhearing is an excellent form of entertainment, I thought I’d include the other senses as well, as I’ve experienced them, on none other but the steps of Low Memorial Library.

I know what you’re thinking. How is this possible? Nothing happens on those crusty historic steps except an array of couples chilling and some tourists taking too much time getting the perfect picture. As a frequent visitor to The Steps™, I can assure you that this is not the case.

 

Hearing

Let’s start with something simple, shall we?

Man lying down on the top of the steps says to his sitting female companion, “our friendship is ruining our professional relationship.” It is undetermined if he meant friendship, or friendship. Considering they were giggling several minutes prior (like that scene in rom coms after they go on the big adventure plotline), I’m going to assume the latter.

 

Guy 1: (whistles “Hail to the Chief”)

Guy 2: stop.

Guy 1: (continues, but in piano*)

Several Minutes Later

Guy 1: I thought it was gonna be a little chillier, I wore this fleece.

Guy 2: I wore a piccah** the other day, and it was 80 degrees.

Another Several Minutes Later

Guy 2, later context unknown: This is why the New York Times is going to hire me to write articles.

*for the less musically-inclined, piano means softer

**You guys, I really tried to look this one up, but ya girl has failed. Going to assume it is another sweater-like article of clothing, spelling undetermined.

 

Guy to my right sitting criss-cross has an iPhone on each leg. While this may appear acceptable for “work purposes” (an iPhone is multi-functional, unless you work for the government why you gotta have two pocket-sized computers), it is less acceptable considering he moaned after biting into his ShakeShack. I wish I made this up.

 

Sight

A man takes pictures of his friend in front of the columns. Undetermined if said friend is a student or prof. Interesting part: the duo had a clothing rack with an overstuffed dress bag. Undetermined if they carried said rack up the steps or brought it out from inside of Low. The man being photographed was also holding a lute. Yes, you read that right. A lute.

A middle-aged couple appears to be fighting. I got closer and realized they were just using aggressive hand motions. (They’re good guys don’t worry they were laughing when I left)

Glasses-wearing man on my left is full-on using a stylus on his iPhone. Bruh, that is not going to help your eyesight, but go off, live in 3019. I speak from personal experience only; I blame Disney Channel and an old, 1ft squared, thicc television for corrupting my eyesight at such a young age.

To the couple sitting on the left ledge who could not possibly get any closer together, please remember that you are in public. The vase (I’m calling it a vase; I’m referring to the green decoration on either ledge) only covers 1/4 of you two.

 

Smell

I’m going to make this one quick. Two words: Mary and Jane. But in more than two words, I was spooked because the MJ fan was sitting behind me for a solid hour before I noticed they were there.

Award for biggest hipster of 2019 goes to: the John Lennon look-alike sitting all the way at the end of right ledge smoking a pipe, whose wafting cloud directed me to said event. Fake John Lennon also had his legs hanging off of the ledge. Real John would be so proud. (p.s. how do you guys do this?? do you love heights?? have you no regard for your personal safety?? I’m curious please @ me)

 

Touch

I almost sat in someone’s old gum, but I didn’t though so no sweat. Nothing odd here, just the cold, hard steps that resonate with my soul (not to get emo or anything).

 

Taste

Did you really think ???? Y’all nasty.

 

Special note to Low Security staff for placing a couple of those barriers you see at airports to know which line you’re in for security at the top of the steps: are they coming down?? can they please come down?? please that was my reading spot and now I’m sad.

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.

 

Have Your Say

What should you actually Venmo people for?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Recent Comments

I'm an aquarius and i think this article is BAD (read more)
I Don’t Know What Astrology Is And At This Point I’m Too Afraid To Ask
February 20, 2020
i feel KIN with this article (read more)
To Whoever Just Shushed Me On Milstein 2
February 20, 2020
yep! they sell them in the store, idk about online (read more)
Review: Bold Beautiful Barnard Underwear
February 19, 2020
the fact that this article just implied that i want to "get freaky" with "these guys on broadway" makes me (read more)
Statues Around Campus: FMK
February 19, 2020

Comment Policy

The purpose of Bwog’s comment section is to facilitate honest and open discussion between members of the Columbia community. We encourage commenters to take advantage of—without abusing—the opportunity to engage in anonymous critical dialogue with other community members. A comment may be moderated if it contains:
  • A slur—defined as a pejorative derogatory phrase—based on ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, or spiritual belief
  • Hate speech
  • Unauthorized use of a person’s identity
  • Personal information about an individual
  • Baseless personal attacks on specific individuals
  • Spam or self-promotion
  • Copyright infringement
  • Libel