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Things Not To Say To Prospective Students Touring Campus

Bwogger Nicki Camberg is tired of hearing the story of the founding of Barnard every time she leaves her dorm, and has decided to address this issue head on. 

We were all once there. Bright eyed and bushy tailed, high school juniors not yet broken by the college admissions process or college itself.  You and your entire family, furiously taking notes as some random Sophmore told you the detailed biography of Columbia’s first president and regaled you with tales of their favorite study spot. Perhaps you were dragged along and spent the brisk walking excursion making fun of the oddly specific questions people seem to have. Either way, college tours can be a crucial part of helping prospective students learn about a school, or at least get a cute pic for their Insta story with the caption “my future home? 🤔 “. But for us, the kids who made it, there is nothing more annoying than trying to get somewhere and having to push through a throng of 17 year olds and boomers asking about professor student relationships and internship opportunities. As such, I have developed a list of things we can say to these infestations of light blue guest name tag wearers, and maybe one day, cure our campus of this plague:

  • I got a 1630 on my SAT
  • There are no showers, only a communal watering hole
  • Yes, it is a good idea to do a double major and be pre med student (a real question a Bwogger heard be asked)
  • The time you got Cava’d
  • “The workload is totally manageable!”
  • Try to make them guess the number of times you’ve cried in a library this week
  • Ask them what they’ve published so far
  • “Ugh I love the food here, you’ve got to try our glass pudding and thumb tack potatoes”
  • Invite prospies and their mothers to your “small, EC kickback on Friday”
  • “You should definitely check out the Hamilton elevators, that’s my favorite spot on campus”
  • Join Bwog
  • Tell them that your 8:40’s aren’t that bad and they should definitely take them
  • “I feel like the Columbia Barnard divide doesn’t really exist, in my experience I don’t know what school my friends go to,” which is a real thing my tour guide told me
  • “Make sure you sign up for every club at the fair, there’s nothing better than being on mailing lists”
  • Ask them if they have room in their suitcase and if they can take you with them

Be kind to these desperate souls, and remember, if they ask you how to get in, tell them to send an Edible Arrangement to PrezBo’s house.

Photo via Bwog archives

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4 Comments

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous I told admissions I WILL NOT host any cis white males.

    2
    5
  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous “Columbia gets a lot of criticism for not providing a community, but when I’m in Butler at 5am I feel a real sense of comradery with the other students”

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous this but without a HINT of irony

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous whites are ruining Columbia

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