Menu CATEGORIES

Connect with us

CATEGORIES Menu
All Articles

It’s Fucking Cold And My Hands Are So Pale

Curious as to how cold it is? Well, you’ve come to the right post. It’s Fucking Cold, and if you aren’t sure what that implies, I’m here to tell you.

It’s gotten to a point where I, as a former Southern Californian, can no longer exist without at least two layers on at all times. Call me precious, but I can already feel my blood thickening and my limbs seizing in this frigid air. Have you ever seen one of those tweets that’s like “bitches with cold hands are always like, ‘omg feel my hands they’re so cold?'” Well, I’m bitches and I won’t be ashamed to admit it. Here are other things cold bitches will do to feel relief from, well, being cold:

  • Turn on the shower so that the water is as hot as possible and stand aside, dancing in your new, luxurious and very private steam room
  • Clasp a cup of hot water and imagine putting on a nice sweater while listening to Kind of Blue (if you have taste)
  • Go down to the basement of your dorm and feel its life-giving warmth and take deep, slow breaths of the Eau de Buanderie until your lungs thaw out
  • Drop out of college and go back to Florida or whatever the fuck
    • Is it even warm in Florida at this time of the year? Is anywhere safe?
  • Spend your remaining PawPrint balance on printing out something long and useless like the Twilight series and grasp each warm piece of paper as it exits the womb of the printer and enters this cold, unforgiving city
  • Email your relatives that don’t know how to text
    • This one only provides emotional warmth, sorry :/

Remember: if you’re cold, they’re cold too. Share your dorm room with a pigeon this holiday season.

Fuck, It’s Cold via Bwog Archives

Click to show comments
3 Comments

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.

 

3 Comments

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous must be all that global warming we keep hearing about

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Florida has never been safe once in it’s whole existance

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous It’s in the 40’s dude. Grow up.

    4
    7
  • Ad

    Have Your Say

    What should Bwog's new tagline be?

    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

    Recent Comments

    They said no PANTS they didn't say no SHORTS!! Joking ;) Anyways some of these seem like good ideas...o (read more)
    How To Impress Your Class Crush On Zoom
    October 21, 2020
    When is he coming to speak at Columbia? (read more)
    LNB: Lin-Manuel Miranda At Columbia
    October 20, 2020
    didn't know I needed this until now, thank you <3 (read more)
    LNB: Lin-Manuel Miranda At Columbia
    October 20, 2020
    yung nuggies you are my late night homie to bop and vibe with (read more)
    A Conversation With SoundCloud Rapper Yung Nugget
    October 19, 2020

    Comment Policy

    The purpose of Bwog’s comment section is to facilitate honest and open discussion between members of the Columbia community. We encourage commenters to take advantage of—without abusing—the opportunity to engage in anonymous critical dialogue with other community members. A comment may be moderated if it contains:
    • A slur—defined as a pejorative derogatory phrase—based on ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, or spiritual belief
    • Hate speech
    • Unauthorized use of a person’s identity
    • Personal information about an individual
    • Baseless personal attacks on specific individuals
    • Spam or self-promotion
    • Copyright infringement
    • Libel
    • COVID-19 misinformation