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It’s Fucking Cold And My Hands Are So Pale

Curious as to how cold it is? Well, you’ve come to the right post. It’s Fucking Cold, and if you aren’t sure what that implies, I’m here to tell you.

It’s gotten to a point where I, as a former Southern Californian, can no longer exist without at least two layers on at all times. Call me precious, but I can already feel my blood thickening and my limbs seizing in this frigid air. Have you ever seen one of those tweets that’s like “bitches with cold hands are always like, ‘omg feel my hands they’re so cold?'” Well, I’m bitches and I won’t be ashamed to admit it. Here are other things cold bitches will do to feel relief from, well, being cold:

  • Turn on the shower so that the water is as hot as possible and stand aside, dancing in your new, luxurious and very private steam room
  • Clasp a cup of hot water and imagine putting on a nice sweater while listening to Kind of Blue (if you have taste)
  • Go down to the basement of your dorm and feel its life-giving warmth and take deep, slow breaths of the Eau de Buanderie until your lungs thaw out
  • Drop out of college and go back to Florida or whatever the fuck
    • Is it even warm in Florida at this time of the year? Is anywhere safe?
  • Spend your remaining PawPrint balance on printing out something long and useless like the Twilight series and grasp each warm piece of paper as it exits the womb of the printer and enters this cold, unforgiving city
  • Email your relatives that don’t know how to text
    • This one only provides emotional warmth, sorry :/

Remember: if you’re cold, they’re cold too. Share your dorm room with a pigeon this holiday season.

Fuck, It’s Cold via Bwog Archives

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3 Comments

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous It’s in the 40’s dude. Grow up.

    4
    7
  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Florida has never been safe once in it’s whole existance

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous must be all that global warming we keep hearing about

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