Menu CATEGORIES

Connect with us

CATEGORIES Menu
All Articles

Why Do My Drawers Open On Their Own?

Inside my humble abode, there is a strange problem. A curious happening. A spooky occurrence. At regular times throughout the day, every single drawer in the room opens by itself. The only way to solve this problem is to slam the drawers shut, stub your toe and live in constant agony. Now, there might be a simple answer to this, maybe the floor is slightly tilted, but I have some other ideas as to what might be going on.

1. The obvious answer: a ghost. A playful, harmless ghost who has decided to torture me by endlessly opening my drawers. Maybe said ghost has a vengeance against drawers and has returned to earth to carry out a mission against them. Whatever it is ghosty, if you’re reading this, please carry out your paranormal activities in someone else’s room.
2. We live in a simulation and the periodic opening my drawers is a glitch in the matrix.
3. Microscopic mice live inside the drawers and open them to listen to my conversations and pass back information on humans to the Head of Microscopic Mice Security.
4. There is an invisible student snubbed by the housing lottery currently living in my room.
5. I am part of an experiment and I’m secretly being assessed to see how long it takes a person to descend into insanity. Not long.
6. All of this is a hallucination. I’ve dreamt everything after my eighth birthday.
7. My roommate secretly has the power to move at the speed of light and is behind it all.

As I write this the drawer of my desk slowly opens to reveal a pigeon blinking up at me, with a miniature version of my own dorm room inside the desk, and then the drawer of his desk opens to reveal a cockroach with his own version, and so on into oblivion. Then I look up, I, too, am inside the drawer of someone’s desk.

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.

 

Have Your Say

What should you actually Venmo people for?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Recent Comments

This is so sweet 🥺🥺🥺 (read more)
Christmas Cheer On A Budget
December 9, 2019
this is abhorrent. get the hell away from 16personalities and learn about cognitive function theory before trying to write a (read more)
AN *ACTUAL* GUIDE TO PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES
December 9, 2019
Good! New York desperately needs more housing, despite the complaints of rich NIMBYs. (read more)
Columbia Officially Files To Build New Graduate Student Housing And McDonald’s On Manhattanville Lot
December 9, 2019
It's a joke that anyone is opposing this development. It's a literal parking lot! No one is getting displaced. (read more)
Columbia Officially Files To Build New Graduate Student Housing And McDonald’s On Manhattanville Lot
December 9, 2019

Comment Policy

The purpose of Bwog’s comment section is to facilitate honest and open discussion between members of the Columbia community. We encourage commenters to take advantage of—without abusing—the opportunity to engage in anonymous critical dialogue with other community members. A comment may be moderated if it contains:
  • A slur—defined as a pejorative derogatory phrase—based on ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, or spiritual belief
  • Hate speech
  • Unauthorized use of a person’s identity
  • Personal information about an individual
  • Baseless personal attacks on specific individuals
  • Spam or self-promotion
  • Copyright infringement
  • Libel