Menu CATEGORIES

Connect with us

CATEGORIES Menu
All Articles

Finals Week Horoscope

Not sure how the next week is going to pan out? Bwogger and proud user of Co―Star Miyoki Walker is here to help.

Sagittarius
Your strong desire for adventure (i.e. leaving campus) will be tested this week. With break just around the corner, you’ll find it hard to stay focused. Take a break and don’t sweat it.

Capricorn
You’ll have a strong urge to punch the guy on your floor who didn’t hold the elevator for you. Don’t do it.

Aquarius
You’ll go to Morton Williams for Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, but they’re all out. You’ll have to settle for regular Ruffles. Please take a moment to reflect on the choices that brought you here.

Pisces
You will run into Jonah Hill walking his dog downtown. Don’t ask for pictures, though,  or he’ll throw his hot coffee in your face.

Aries
You will be plagued with boredom this week even though you could be doing something productive. Nevermind productivity, get out of your comfort zone and try something new. Maybe go for the vegan bar at Ferris instead of the weekly lo-mein and popcorn shrimp.

Taurus
Stop procrastinating! Buy that fancy (and prohibited) tea kettle for your dorm room NOW.

Gemini
After 6 cups of coffee, you’ll start to hallucinate and Danny Devito will appear before you as a genie. Be careful what you wish for.

Cancer
Tears can be great for the skin. This week, cry it out in public with no shame!

Leo
You’ll wonder why no one’s paying attention to you this week. It’s actually because everyone was put on a spaceship to Mars while you were in the bathroom.

Virgo
I’m a Virgo and my CoStar says “be careful when operating heavy machinery.” Take from that what you will.

Libra
Do the laundry that’s been piled up in the hamper for 3.5 weeks. You’ll thank me later.

Scorpio
Practice self-care and refuse to be perceived this week. You deserve it.

Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.

 

Have Your Say

What should you actually Venmo people for?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Recent Comments

When both parties are drunk or high, why are only males held accountable for their actions while women get a (read more)
“We Have Failed Them”: Building A World Of Better Sexual Citizens
January 27, 2020
Thank you Isabel! This is hopefully a moment in history and this is a great write up! (read more)
“We Have Failed Them”: Building A World Of Better Sexual Citizens
January 27, 2020
this is the funniest bwog article i have ever read, possibly ever (read more)
I Was The Cockroach That Margaret Vandenburg Kicked Out Of Class And Honestly, What The Fuck
January 26, 2020

Comment Policy

The purpose of Bwog’s comment section is to facilitate honest and open discussion between members of the Columbia community. We encourage commenters to take advantage of—without abusing—the opportunity to engage in anonymous critical dialogue with other community members. A comment may be moderated if it contains:
  • A slur—defined as a pejorative derogatory phrase—based on ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, or spiritual belief
  • Hate speech
  • Unauthorized use of a person’s identity
  • Personal information about an individual
  • Baseless personal attacks on specific individuals
  • Spam or self-promotion
  • Copyright infringement
  • Libel