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Five Reasons You Shouldn’t Buy A Canada Goose And Should Venmo Me Instead

Bwogger Miyoki Walker has noticed something troubling around campus lately: everyone’s wearing $1,500 coats. Here are a few reasons why she thinks this is stupid and hates it. 

1. They cost a ridiculous amount of money.

There’s no point in proving that you’re rich, we could already tell by your two-day-trip-to-Brussels-over-Fall-Break Instagram post. These coats cost upwards of 950 dollars. Imagine everything you could buy with that! Like 400 12-packs of Ticonderoga pencils! 630 pairs of socks from Target! 1000 teaspoons or something! If none of those peak your interest, you could Venmo me!

2. It’s not even cold, you guys are just weak.

I get it. You’re from somewhere warm like Florida or California. You don’t know how to dress for the weather yet or if it’s acceptable to use an umbrella in the snow (it’s not). Let me, a midwesterner with ice in my veins, be the first to tell something: it’s never that serious. Unless the inside of the coat is literally lined with hundred dollar bills, it cannot be worth it. In exchange for this advice, I’ll accept a small Venmo payment. 

3. The company is maybe cruel to animals? 

I’ll be real about this one, I didn’t do the research but I do remember everyone changing their profile pictures that one week in protest. If you ask me, that’s reason enough not to buy one. Instead, try Venmoing me. 

4. They aren’t even cute. 

If you’re gonna spend this much money on something (which you shouldn’t), at least try to look good. I’m begging you, please get your clout up. Read a fashion blog or something.

5. I will rob you if you do. 

As I should. Although, I won’t have to do this if you just Venmo me.

Photo via Wikimedia Commons

 

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2 Comments

  • why can't bwog successfully make a joke, what happened to you guys says:

    @why can't bwog successfully make a joke, what happened to you guys (1) this might have been news 10+ years ago
    (2) yes, the jackets are stupid and a waste of money, but so is this post
    (3) why isn’t bwog funny anymore

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous we get it 1%er u have a canada goose jacket

      1
      2
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