Menu CATEGORIES

Connect with us

CATEGORIES Menu
Cooking With Bwog

PeopleHop: The Wall

Senior Staff Writer Henry Golub interviews a wall.

I have counted at least six buildings on Columbia’s campus, and all of them have walls. It’s time we finally heard what these campus staples think about learning, working, and eating.

Note: Many readers have requested that I interview structures besides walls. I have decided against their suggestions because unlike columns and tents, walls have charm. When has a column said anything worth repeating? When has a tent lining made an audience cry? Could you name one structural beam that’s come alive on the page?

I wanted to interview a piece of architecture my readers could identify—even live—with. And I think I found one.


Henry: You know, when I was traveling in 马里兰 last year and I ran into a lion, I sort of wished I had a wall around. It must be rewarding knowing how many people you protect from the outside.

Wall: —————————-.

Henry: Yeah,  I know. Squirrels, parks, the wind—all of these things could just barge into the building if you weren’t around.

Wall: ———————————–.

Henry: Wow, how interesting. So, tell us what you think about Columbia.

Wall: ————————————-.

Henry: Oh, so you are a wall in Lerner, huh? Tell me, is it the ramps that are tilted, or the walls that are tilted?

Wall: ——————————–.

Henry: No, I’ve never heard of gravity. Who is that?

Wall: ———————————-.

Henry: You know, a lot of people say that they feel like they’re talking to a wall, but I don’t anyone’s ever meant it until now.

Wall: ——————————-.

Henry: Holy Mackerel! Ha ha ha ha ha! You’re too funny. Ha ha ha.

Wall: ———————————.

Henry: All right, I think that’s enough.

Wall: All in all, it’s just another brick in the wall.


This interview is sponsored by University of Turin Admissions.

 

Wall One via Bwog Archive

Wall Two via Henry Golub

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.

 

1 Comment

  • Naomi says:

    @Naomi That old saying echos through my thoughts, “if these walls could talk, what a story they would tell!!”
    ☺️ I enjoyed your article.

  • Have Your Say

    What should you actually Venmo people for?

    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

    Recent Comments

    When both parties are drunk or high, why are only males held accountable for their actions while women get a (read more)
    “We Have Failed Them”: Building A World Of Better Sexual Citizens
    January 27, 2020
    Thank you Isabel! This is hopefully a moment in history and this is a great write up! (read more)
    “We Have Failed Them”: Building A World Of Better Sexual Citizens
    January 27, 2020
    this is the funniest bwog article i have ever read, possibly ever (read more)
    I Was The Cockroach That Margaret Vandenburg Kicked Out Of Class And Honestly, What The Fuck
    January 26, 2020
    Columbia’s campus is so beautiful. (read more)
    Best Places On Campus To Ache
    January 26, 2020

    Comment Policy

    The purpose of Bwog’s comment section is to facilitate honest and open discussion between members of the Columbia community. We encourage commenters to take advantage of—without abusing—the opportunity to engage in anonymous critical dialogue with other community members. A comment may be moderated if it contains:
    • A slur—defined as a pejorative derogatory phrase—based on ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, or spiritual belief
    • Hate speech
    • Unauthorized use of a person’s identity
    • Personal information about an individual
    • Baseless personal attacks on specific individuals
    • Spam or self-promotion
    • Copyright infringement
    • Libel