Senior Staff Writer Henry Golub interviews a wall.

I have counted at least six buildings on Columbia’s campus, and all of them have walls. It’s time we finally heard what these campus staples think about learning, working, and eating.

Note: Many readers have requested that I interview structures besides walls. I have decided against their suggestions because unlike columns and tents, walls have charm. When has a column said anything worth repeating? When has a tent lining made an audience cry? Could you name one structural beam that’s come alive on the page?

I wanted to interview a piece of architecture my readers could identify—even live—with. And I think I found one.

Henry: You know, when I was traveling in 马里兰 last year and I ran into a lion, I sort of wished I had a wall around. It must be rewarding knowing how many people you protect from the outside.

Wall: —————————-.

Henry: Yeah,  I know. Squirrels, parks, the wind—all of these things could just barge into the building if you weren’t around.

Wall: ———————————–.

Henry: Wow, how interesting. So, tell us what you think about Columbia.

Wall: ————————————-.

Henry: Oh, so you are a wall in Lerner, huh? Tell me, is it the ramps that are tilted, or the walls that are tilted?

Wall: ——————————–.

Henry: No, I’ve never heard of gravity. Who is that?

Wall: ———————————-.

Henry: You know, a lot of people say that they feel like they’re talking to a wall, but I don’t anyone’s ever meant it until now.

Wall: ——————————-.

Henry: Holy Mackerel! Ha ha ha ha ha! You’re too funny. Ha ha ha.

Wall: ———————————.

Henry: All right, I think that’s enough.

Wall: All in all, it’s just another brick in the wall.

This interview is sponsored by University of Turin Admissions.


Wall One via Bwog Archive

Wall Two via Henry Golub