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Bwog » Five Things That Should Be Closed For The Winter

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Five Things That Should Be Closed For The Winter

Come winter, Barnumbia misses the phallic fountains’ vigorous streams and the green majesty of the 33% of Columbia lawns that are randomly covered with that white material. Bwog suggests reopening those areas and closing the following instead:

  1. That one bathroom that everyone on your floor avoids: you know the one. It’s not your favorite bathroom with the shower that’s just right, it’s not the backup one for when your roommate claims your favorite bathroom as their own. It’s the one with too many mysterious stains, an ever growing hairball in the corner, a sticky door knob, and, for some odd reason, a Brita filter permanently attached to the sink. No one uses this bathroom anyway, might as well let it hibernate.
  2. The 7th floor of Hamilton: two weeks into the semester everyone’s too sick to deal with that trek. Wallow in the misery of your sophomore sniffles on a floor you can reach without climbing equipment.
  3. The loud mouth of that guy in your seminar: no one wants to hear you play devil’s advocate or share a pseudo-intellectual, vaguely offensive hot take for twenty minutes. Bwog recommends No Noise November (and December and January and February and March and it doesn’t have to end with winter).
  4. The campus laundry rooms: it’s winter. Everyone wears their winter coat all the time anyway. Who cares what’s under that or how bad it smells? Truth be told, no one would even notice if you stopped wearing anything under your winter coat.
  5. Butler: it’s objectively the worst library on campus. Everyone is packed together stressing under those weirdly high ceilings. Find a better library, and when Butler reopens for the spring, study outside.

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