Staff Writer Zach Fisher gets lost trying to navigate the Schermerhorn Extension. Like really really really lost.
Schermerhorn Hall is home to many classes: the most notable among them are the wonderful core combinations of Music and Art Hum. Yet, amid the Ballads of Bach and the Boroque of Rembrandt lies a portal to another dimension—a metaphysical nether realm—the Schermerhorn Extension is both sought after and never found at the same time.
Many reading this may ask “where can I find this Schermerhorn Extension?” Well, it’s actually quite simple. Enter Schermerhorn and use either the left or right spiral staircase to ascend to the fifth floor (only one floor up!). From there, turn left and walk into the doors that lead to the hallway staircase thingy (Basically a hallway with a staircase in it). Now, you need to ascend to the sixth floor and exit the staircase walking through like two more hallways. At this point, you are probably going to see a sign that shows an arrow and says “Schermerhorn Extension this way.” Don’t follow it. It is a trap. You will get lost. Anyway, you should continue down this hallway until you see a sign for another staircase (X or Y or something like that cause whatever happened to staircase A or B). Enter that staircase, but pass straight by it by walking through another door. Suddently the room numbers should go from “603 and 605” to “652 and 658.” Welcome to the Schermerhorn Extension. Confused yet? Yeah, me neither.
The Schermerhorn Extension, for those who have never visited, exists somewhere between the planes of reality, space, time, and principles of economics. Populated by weird anomalies, such as the elusive General Studies University Writing sections and water fountains that drip backwards, the Schermerhorn Extension is both feared by professors and dreaded by students. Take it from the 50% of the class that will ALWAYS show up late because they simply don’t know where to go.
On top of all that, the Schermerhorn Extension is populated by many unmarked locked doors. Suspicious? Where could these possibly lead, and why does the university go to such a length to hide them in The Extension? Are these mysterious doors portals to the Ender? The location of Prezbo’s weather machine? The real entrance to the Columbia tunnels? We may never know, as most students don’t simply venture into The Extension without a purpose. As a message to all the students who have a class in any room in Schermerhorn with a number higher then “610,” I bid you good luck—most students never make it in, let alone make it out.
An accurate portrayal of how it looks to enter the Extension via Wikimedia Commons