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Anti-Housing Reviews: The LLC

Hi. Hello. Is this thing on? I’m a Bwog writer and CC student here to beg you: please, please don’t live in the LLC. 

Location: Right between John Jay and Hamilton. You’re so conveniently situated next to classes and dining halls that you’ll be guaranteed to overestimate how much time you have until you need to be somewhere and show up surprisingly late. Also, you’re stuck near all the tiny first years–ew! Besides, the closest library is Butler. Who even likes that petri-dish for stress? Also, the LLC is across from St. Luke’s Hospital. Do you want to be kept up all night by sirens?

Cost:  $9872.00 per year.

Amenities: I don’t even know. I live in the LLC this year, and I never leave my room. I know the bathrooms aren’t too crowded. I think there’s a floor lounge. If you insist on hanging out in the LLC, go there so I don’t have to hear you. Plus the floor lounges have microwaves. Everyone loves microwaves!

Room variety: If you insist on living in the LLC, go for a double. The singles are highly discouraged…to ensure that I can get one without even needing too much luck on my side.

Numbers From Previous Years on The Housing Website: If accepted to live in the LLC, you bypass the entire housing lottery system. You do not get a number. What kind of boring person would want to miss out on the housing lottery fun? Well, if you want to be that boring this year…TOO BAD! The LLC application and room selection period for this year has already passed for everyone but incoming first years.

Bwog recommendations: Do not live here. This is my only hope of getting a single where I am confident that I can sprint to class and meals without being perceived. Allow me to live my hermit lifestyle in peace and move to a more popular dorm. Pleeeeaaaase!!!

Resident opinions:

  • “Was this article written by that Wallach person who never leaves their room? I literally don’t know who it is. I just assume they exist because I occasionally hear weird noises and the smell of Oreos coming from that room?”
  • “This article is all lies.”
  • “Wait what? I love the LLC!”
  • “No one knows what LLC actually stands for. Maybe some corporate capitalist propaganda.”

Pictures: Nah, just take my word for it: you don’t want to live here. *

 

 

 

 

(* If you’re determined enough to read the footnote, you deserve to know the truth. I love the LLC and think you will too. Interclass bonding? Proximity to JJ’s? Good vibes? Check, check, and check. Come be my neighbor!)

LLC from Bwog Archives

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1 Comment

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Best location on campus, beautiful coed suites, great views, updates kitchens and bathrooms, amazing lounges on the first and tenth floors.

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