An anonymous Bwog Staffer longs to be reunited with their Columbia University dorm room and is here to help.  

I may be missing my personal items that were rushed into a storage unit in March, but not as much as I am missing the enigma that is a Columbia University dorm room. 

A Columbia University dorm room cannot be reduced to just inconveniently sized wooden furniture–it’s a mentality. 

I want to help you turn your living quarters into a dorm room both mentally and physically. 

Recreating the Furniture: 

I frantically emailed Residential Life inquiring about where I could purchase said inconveniently sized furniture and they told me that they mainly purchase in bulk from a company called Savoy Furniture. Upon researching the website, I realized that Savoy Furniture (1) only sells in bulk, and (2) predominantly sells to higher ed institutions, throwing a wrench in my seemingly simple endeavor.  

Prices were not listed on the Savoy website indicating that this stylish aesthetic came at quite the price and, unless I recruited 100 of my closest friends, created my very own college, bought in bulk, and put myself in extreme debt, this ambitious plan was only a dream. 

There had to be a better way to recreate the dorm experience without all this effort, and that’s when I realized a Columbia dorm room was more than its furniture–it was about the ambiance and the feel. 

Recreating the Ambiance: 

  1. How to recreate the loft bed
    1. Place several cardboard boxes on your bed until your bed becomes extremely inconvenient to get onto. Put your sheets and comforter on, in other words, make your bed as normal. 
      1. Your bed should be harder to get on to (you may have to use a step stool) and far more uncomfortable to sleep in.  
  2. How to recreate being in NYC
    1. Find a recording of Broadway (the street, not one of the musicals) online and play it as white noise to remind you of the hustle and bustle of the city. 
    2. Tape a picture of the New York City skyline to your window. 
  3. How to recreate being in an apartment-style building 
    1. Set several alarms throughout the night to mirror the false fire alarms that go off at random and unexpected hours. 
      1. For optimal effect: turn on the lights in your room, get out of bed, and wait an hour before going back to sleep. 
  4. How to recreate swiping into your dorm 
    1. Hold up your ID card before entering your room. Pretend as if someone is looking at it. Wait a moment. You may enter. 
      1. If you lost your ID, it looks like you’re out of luck. Wait 30 minutes before entering your room. 
        1. This will accurately mirror the anxiety and waiting period. 
  5. How to recreate the elevator 
    1. Wait for 10 mins outside of your room whilst playing elevator music to mirror waiting for the elevator and the actual ride. 
      1. And if you don’t want to wait, “take the stairs” and walk into your room. 
  6. How to recreate RA room checks 
    1. Pretend you’ve become your resident advisor. Check your room for any contraband and get rid of it…
  7.  How to recreate laundry in the dorms
    1. Wash your clothes, then take them out and place them on top of the machine. The clothes should be sopping wet. Wait 15 minutes and then come back to the washing machine. Act surprised when you realize “someone” has taken your clothes out and then proceed to put them in the dryer. 
      1. Optional: place all of your wet clothes on the floor before putting them in the dryer and/or add a sock that does not belong to you into the load so that you can act surprised when folding your clothes. 
  8. How to recreate dorm showers
    1. Cut up a wig (best if the wig is not similar to your hair color and texture) and leave it in your shower to replicate the hair that constantly collects on the tile walls and shower drain.
  9. How to recreate going to your friend’s dorm
    1. Zoom or FaceTime your friend or friends. Leave the device you are using to call your friend/friends open on your desk, bed, etc. Exit your room (make sure to leave your device in the room). Close your door. Knock on your door. Wait for a couple of seconds to mirror your friend getting up to open the door. For added effect, have your friend shout “it’s open” over FaceTime. Walk in. You have now entered *insert name of friend’s* dorm. Have fun!

No option is quite perfect but I hope you all have fun recreating Columbia dorms in your respective living quarters! 

Most beautiful furniture via. Bwarchives