In which Bwog helps you escape the hell of a Zoom meeting that has gone on far, far, too long. (Seriously, Meeting Host, please just end this, we’re begging you.)

SET THE SCENE: You’ve been on this Zoom call for 2 hours. It simply will not end. The scheduled end time passed long ago—who even remembers the original agenda? But here you are. Staring at each other’s pixelated faces, waiting for someone to put this painful interaction out of its misery.

Bwog has been there. Bwog wants to give you a fighting chance at escaping the pain we could not. Here are some of our favorite exit strategies.

For those with a flair for the dramatic:

  • Look to the side somewhere off-frame, scream, and quit Zoom.
  • Do a little dance, dance out of frame, crawl back to your computer so that you’re out of the camera’s view, and discretely click “Leave Meeting” with no further comment.
  • Mime being stuck in a box.
  • Engage in a classic stare down.
  • Say you have to shit. How can they argue with that?

For those who want to instill the fear of God into everyone else on the Zoom call:

  • Point at their screen and say, “There’s something behind you.” When they turn around end the call.
  • Splash a glass of water on your camera. Oh no! Your house is flooding! You must tend to my watery house!
    • This one is extra nice because your computer is now wet and broken so Zoom has crashed by now anyway and you will get to miss at least one (1) more meeting trying to fix your computer!

For the technologically savvy:

  • Switch your laptop’s wifi to your phone’s hotspot instead of your primary wifi. Change your phone’s hotspot to edge (which you can do manually). Keep talking for some time, ask if they can hear you—they most certainly will not be able to and you can make your escape out of there!
  • Open up Youtube, unmute yourself, play the sound of someone screaming, and excuse yourself, no context given.
    • Same as above, but with the sound of arguing. Basically, any sound that would create confusion and explain the need to hang up.

For the advanced Zoom user, with nothing left to lose:

  • Don’t exit. Stay on with the meeting host until they end the meeting. It’s a power move.
  • Play your own outro music!
  • Keep your video on and just physically leave the room.

As an absolute last resort:

  • Say you have another meeting to get to.
  • Just shut your computer at the end of the meeting.
  • Peace sign. That’s all.

Holding someone over on Zoom is a crime via Pixabay