Welcome back to Bwog’s partially–annual post, where we regurgitate the academic jargon we’ve been bombarded with all year.

  1. You’re Insecure, Don’t Know What For: Mass Media Depictions of Anxiety in Adolescent Girls
  2. 95 Feces: What Samples From the Subway Rats Can Teach Us About NYC’s Food Consumption
  3. Potato Potato: What Gets Lost When We Text Instead of Calling
  4. Ba Ba Ba Bananana: A Translation of the Illiad to Minionese
  5. I’m Fine, I Love You, Vodka Tastes Great and Other Common Lies
  6. Where The Wild Things Aren’t: the Ethical Problems With Zoos
  7. Blinking 182 Times After Bowling for Soup: Pop Punk is a Lie and It’s Dizzying
  8. The World Would Be a Better Place Without Humans
  9. The Unfortunate Ones: the Untold Story of Fortune Cookie Writers
  10. How to Get to Sesame Street: Tahini’s Path to the Global Pallete
  11. The Story Bing Bong: Inside Out is Actually About a Child Maturing Into a Stoner
  12.  The Highs and Lows of High School Football: How Archie Andrews Transcended Time and Space 
  13. Lin Manuel Miranda’s Lip Bite: A Story of Fear and Admiration 
  14.  Caillou: Why? 
  15.  Doja Cat’s “Kiss Me More” ft SZA: Procrastination in the Digital Age 
  16. The Crying Laughing Emoji:  A Source of Tension Between Millennials and Gen Z 
  17.  sPAIN: The Second Punic War and Its Lasting Impacts on Spanish Cultural Society 
  18.  Long Necks, Big Plans: The Rise and Fall of the Giraffe Shipbuilding Empire
  19. Let’s Talk About the Moon Landing: And Other Global Events That Totally Really Happened 
  20.  Carly Rae Jepsen: How Today’s Hyperconsumption of Music Created a Generation of “One Hit Wonders” 
  21.  3AM at JJS: A Scientific Measurement of the Average College Student’s Ability to Consume Copious Amounts of Alcohol
  22.  An Investigation of the Storage Unit’s Analogy to the Object Permanence Phase of Psychosocial Development in Late Capitalist Realism
  23. Hands Up: This Is A Bomb Disguised As a Thesis, Now Open the Safe
  24. Lexical Orthodoxy in 17th Century French Concordats: A New Perspective on Franco-Ecclesiastical Symbiosis
  25. The Digital Flâneur: Examining The Influence of the Shitposter on Early 21st-Century Art
  26. Studying the Effects of A Chemical You Can’t Pronounce on the Gestation and Epigenetics of a Species You’ve Never Heard Of
  27. Examining the Epistemological Phenomenology of the Reification of Abstracted Contemporary Ways of Knowing in Externalized Consciousnesses
  28. Don’t Worry Too Much About Sleepwalking Off This Cliff: A Scary Paper with Forcedly Optimistic Conclusion about a Catastrophic Political or Environmental Risk
  29. Suezzie, He’s Just Not That Into You: A Study of the Ever Given and How it Relates to My Love Life
  30. You Ain’t Fucked Me, You Fucked The Old Body: Sexual Selection and the Adaptive Function of Plastic Surgery
  31. Go Piss, Girl: The Effects of Prolonged Isolation on The Human Mind
  32. Familial Stress as an Antecedent of Adult Mental Health: My Parents Fucked Me Up and Here’s How I’ll Prove it
  33. Cottagecore is Just a Fancy Word for Wanting To Be a Hobbit: The Aesthetics of Hypermodern Escapism
  34. Why Does Every PIXAR Mom Have An Absolute Dump-Truck Ass?: The Re-Sexualization Of the Butt in Popular Culture
  35. Jsksjjdksgdjsksywssjdhsks: A Queer History of the Keysmash
  36. A Recuperative Reading of Prog Rock, But Not Rush, Because They Didn’t Get Enough Hate for “2112” 
  37. Here’s How Bernie Can Still Win
  38. 9 Out Of 10 Dentists Recommend: Reaching Consensus in Toothpaste Recommendations
  39. Put Some Fun Shit in This Part: An Exploration of Primary and Secondary Titles in Postmodern Academic Writing
  40. And That’s Where You’re Wrong: Proving Economics Isn’t Real
  41. I’m Straight But This Is Beautiful: Heterosexual Performative Distancing In the Hypermodern Digital Space 
  42. Stand Clear of the Closing Doors, Please: Comparative Vocal and Cultural Analyses of Mass Transit Announcement Styles in North America
  43. Stand Clear of the Hosing Floors, Please: Examining the Prevalence of Illegal Asbestos Dumping in the Tri-State Area
  44. Stand Clear of the Roaming Boors, Please: Using the Nika Riots of 532 AD to Re-Contextualize Modern Roles of Security Forces at Major Sporting Events
  45. Stand Clear of the Foaming Whores, Please: Epidemiology of Rabies Outbreaks in 19th-Century Manhattan Brothels
  46. Sand Beer of the Moaning Coors, Please: The Secret Desert Afterlife of the Forgotten Coors Brother
  47. Planned Mere of the Golden Hordes, Please: Relating and Contrasting Coleridge to Actual 14th-Century Mongol Palatial Architecture and Landscaping
  48. Band Near the Dozing Cores, Please: An Ethnography of Postapocalyptic Tribal Structures in the AI Cenotaph Fortresses of the Northern Badlands
  49. Modelling Climate Change with Complicated Models and Math: The Planet is On Fucking Fire
  50. Geomorphological Changes from the Paleocene to the Present: Those Rocks Are Still Right Where They Were 60 million Years Ago
  51. The Effect of Some Obscure Gene on Some Very Specific Protein: The Experiment Failed, so I Don’t Actually Have an Answer 
  52. Cheat Sheets: A Model for the Nucleus’ Density
  53. Lee Bollinger and Incoherence: Rethinking Email’s Function in the 21st Century
  54. I’m Fucking Cringe…But I’m Free: Examining the Positive Psychological Effects of Joining Online Communities during Middle School
  55. He’s Just Some Guy: How the Media Hypes Up Male Celebrities who Do the Bare Minimum
  56. Lottery No. 4999: Analyzing the Columbia Housing Lottery through the Lens of Foucault’s Discipline and Punish
  57. It’s No Longer a Fashion Statement, but a Death Wish: How Geeks Ruined Hot Topic and 90s Mall Goth Culture
  58. “To Play Devil’s Advocate…”: An Inquiry into the Cultural Dialect of the Caucasian Male
  59. It’s Free Real Estate: Examining Lee Bollinger’s Use Of Eminent Domain
  60. Design Capstone: A Sentient Bloomberg Terminal That Screams When It Dies
  61. Design Capstone: A Gigantic Pile of Code That Doesn’t Work Properly Which I Assert is Nonetheless Somehow Useful
  62. Design Capstone: This Unrecognizable Piece of Wood and Metal I Spent a Month Fabricating Which Heralds a New Era of Ergonomics
  63. Design Capstone: Using Drone Delivery for Air-Launched Incendiary Cluster “Development Aid” in Rural Communities
  64. Design Capstone: Autonomous Murderbots That Also Make Fun of Your Outfit
  65. Art Portfolio: Blank Canvases with Accompanying 50-Page Explanations of Why They’re Actually Groundbreaking
  66. Art Portfolio: Genre-Busting Sculptures That Definitely Are Not Just Blobs of Melted Scrap Bronze 
  67. Look at All Those Chickens: A Study of False Perceptions and Fear in Adolescence 
  68. Sourdough Started: The Colonial Loneliness of Isolated Women
  69. Like a Good Samaritan, Jesus is There: An Investigation of Cooperation in the New Testament
  70. Man or Muppet?: The Psyche of Jim Henson 
  71. 7 Rings: A Critical Examination of Materialism in Dante’s Inferno
  72. You Belong With Me: Stalkers in Modern America
  73. Mr. Perfectly Fine: Male Gender Norms and the Feminine Expectation 
  74. Fuck Around, Find Out: The Psychology of Orgies
  75. A Case Study in Managerial Dissonance: Columbia’s Emails Encouraging Mental Health and the Registrar’s Office That Planned This Semester
  76. Stop Getting Connected: Defining LinkedIn as a Cultural Setback
  77. I Want These Horses Smaller: an Evolutionary History of the Pony
  78. It’s Just a Can of Beans: Testing the Effectiveness of the “Pull Yourself Up By the Bootstraps” Mentality
  79. The Agent for Bees: How Sylvia Plath’s Final Months Secretly Shaped the Trajectory of the Modern Apiary Industry
  80. Examining Like Three People’s Diaries From Two Months in 1852 in Rural Sweden: I Am a History Student in a Crowded Field
  81. Doctors Hate Him: Learn How This Dictator Effectively Targeted Hospitals and Civilian Shelters to Quash an Insurgency
  82. I’m Just A Fucking Mole Sir: Counterintelligence and Compliance Among Artificially Intelligent Unmanned Underground Vehicles
  83. Tilting At Windmills: How To Save the World from Climate Apocalypse with These Three Easy Steps that No One Else Has Ever Thought Of
  84. On Exactitude in Politics: Andrew Yang and the Cult of Celebrity as Hyperreal Political Simulacra
  85. Revolution IS A Dinner Party: Post-Maoist Analysis of the Role of Ceremonial Meals in Various Coups d’Etat
  86. Design Capstone: Smart Speaker With Adaptive Bimodal Olfactory and Laser-Based Human and Canine Fear Sensor 
  87. Art Portfolio: Engraved Depleted Uranium Shell Casings On Cute Little Plush Stands
  88. Experimentally Scaling the Effects of Combined Caffeine-Cannabis Dosages with Undergraduate Student Performance
  89. Baby Yoda and Postmodern America’s Libidinal Investment in Virtual Children in the Context of Mass Extinction and Declining Fertility
  90. Experimentally Investigating if This Animal Does Something Cool if I Give It Drugs
  91. Auto-cannibaloids: Weaponizing Synthetic Psychoactives for Anti-Personnel Applications
  92. Design Capstone: A Lamp, But Differently Shaped
  93. A Booming Sector: Assessing the Implications of the Growing Market in Gender Reveal Parties for Recreational Applications of Teller-Ulam Devices
  94. Art Portfolio: A Bunch of Grayscale Softcore Porn
  95. “Exploring Einstein’s Theory of Relativity Through Columbia’s Breaks: Time Do Be Getting Shorter”

Martin Luther via Reasonable Theology, terrible photoshop by Bwog Staff