Yes, it’s still summer. Yes, all we can do is hope that this fall might bear some kind of resemblance to fall semesters past. However, that small ember of hope has unlocked memories of I thought I had forgotten: of being pushed against couples grinding against each other in EC suites far beyond room capacity; of frat house basements and jungle juice. But mostly, of the songs that transport me to those sweaty, sweaty nights. 

For the first- and second-years who (might) experience these environments in a few short months, I have compiled a playlist to pre-game the pre-gaming of a college party. These are the songs you will hear when you enter the party and the corresponding quintessential experiences and/or internal monologues.

Your study guide
  1. “My House” – Flo Rida

It’s the beginning of the night. People are hopeful and mostly still sober(ish). Everyone is collectively wondering how a 45 year-old man got the AUX. But we sit through it for the hope of the night getting better and/or the substances hitting. Why we as a society allowed this song to become popular, I will never know. But you’re going to hear it!

  1. “Party Rock Anthem” – LMFAO

Everyone is still dubious of whoever has the AUX, but people are almost not-sober enough to think that this song brings them back to 2010 when times were simpler. Maybe someone who pre-gamed too hard will try to shuffle and you will be transported back to middle school. 

  1. “American Boy” –  Estelle

Things are getting more comfortable. The sing-along-ing has begun. As Columbia students, it is our duty to pretend to be as worldly as Estelle sounds in this song. 

  1. “DON’T TRUST ME” – 3OH!3 

If they’re not singing along to this song, don’t trust them. They can’t be fixed. 

  1. “Blinding Lights” – The Weeknd

“Maybe you can show me how to love.” Yeah… be careful, besties. 

  1. “Get Low” – Lil Jon and the East Side Boyz

How did this song brainwash so many of us into getting a strange satisfaction from singing about sweaty balls?

  1. “Kiss Me Thru the Phone” – Soulja Boy

Your friends in long-distance relationships might get a far-off look in their eyes as they contemplate the possible expiration of their high school relationships. The room is simultaneously full of pining and full of desperate attempts to stop pining. 

  1. “my ex’s best friend” – Machine Gun Kelly

We’re getting messy now. Decisions will be made—probably not good ones, either.  

  1. “Better Now” – Post Malone

And now it’s time for the sad to start hitting. Are you really “better now?” Don’t lie. 

  1. “Mr. Brightside” – The Killers

The perfect closer to the night. People are screaming along more loudly than they should be. You don’t know why, but this feels both sad and intensely euphoric. 

Listen to these songs and brace yourselves for the future and/or unlock memories of the Time Before COVID. This is definitely premature, but what else do you have to do besides pre-game the pre-gaming anyway?

Manifesting this via Bwog Archives